Judge — December 21, 1918 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

December 21, 1918 Rookie Realisms By Private Curstex W. Suarer Ambulance Co. 339, 310th Sanitary Train The Review REVIEW is a strained state of military affairs that exists for quite a period subsequent to the desire of a camp commander or some other person in authority to give the increment the once-over. It attracts wide attention, furnishes a line on the correct- ness of the figure issued by the statistical sec- tion of the personnel division, and openly sup- plies data on the disappearance of certain previous Liberty Loans. From the standpoint of a soldier a review is about as profitable as an endeavor to see Nellie home from a church social when her steady is waiting outside under the elms. He probably could get along just as well without it. But he understands his responsibility and always turns out gracefully. Somehow or other he doesn’t feel like refusing. He knows that the plans are deliberate and that much time and thought has been spent on them, so he always deems it wise to go, even though he doesn’t feel obligated. There never has been a review, up to December, 1918, that wasn’t a success. In all cantonments excellent turnouts have been recorded. Turn- outs won the war. There is nothing accidental about a review. It is mentioned in the general orders and the commanding officers of the various units in the camps are instructed well in advance so that they can get the orders filled at the company canteen. Early in the morning of the day selected, the troops with full equipment con- centrate on a designated acreage while the officers, major and minor domos and whatever distinguished visitors may be present, congre- gate on the reviewing stand. A mystic signal is given and the soldiers and equipment are on the move. Several wide detours are made and it looks, for a moment, as if the real object would not be attained, but at a certain point a turn is made and all is set. At the ringing com- mand ‘Pass in Revyouuuu!” the soldiers, in platoon formation, swing by the reviewing stand. Their heads and eyes are to the right. Visitors cheer. The band plays something intoxicating. Every man in line is thrilled. He believes that he is being particularly noticed by the commanding officer. Afterward he learns that his hunch was spurious. The only individual soldiers noticed at a review are those who falldown. They are later mentioned in some of the prolific camp literature and are usually highly recommended—something like thirty or sixty days on fatigue duty. All branches of the service in a camp are represented in a review. The artillery, infan- try, signal battalions, engineers, medical men and others are included. All use the measured tread. The only irregularity is on the hoofbeat of the pack mule. This animal usually goes by the reviewing stand without thought of convention and form. Any number of nice reviews have been spoiled by the promiscuous running away of mules. And four of these ani- mals, hitched to a commissary wagon, tearing ahead without regard for ceremony, can jim a review in no time. After they plunge through a few company fronts and run down a band or two they can make the best review of all look like a mass meeting. A review fairly breeds patience. Thousands of national army soldiers who were prone to rail and fret standing ten deep in a line at a ticket Reward Do you know this man Height: Weight: 145 Ibs. Description: When last seen was on his way to hospital. florid complexion, good appetite and enthusiasm for work. to have irregular bowel movements. Took pills. Had medical examination: doctor diagnosed case as sclf- salts—violent results, 6 ft. 1 inch Face: Thin Features: Prominent Used to weigh 185, had . Six months ago began Lost weight—still irregular. Took poisoning, due to clogged, decaying food-waste in large intestine; said pills and purges had weakened the intestinal muscles so they would not function protested violently that he was not sick. Man Doctor replied that he had been sick since first bowel irregularity. Prescribed complete rest and the Nujol Treatment. Said if he had cultivated regular habits with Nujol he would have had no trouble—now, however, he was an easy mark for the poisoning he was allowing in his own body. REWARD: For restoration of this man to regularity, Nature offers reward of health, and return to normal weight and keenness. If you are the man apply at the nearest drug store for one bottle of typ ge Nujol is sold only in sealed bot- Warning: reise ny Nopal steode Mark. All druggists in U.S and Canada. Insist on Nujol. You may suffer from substitutes. Booklet entitled ‘Thirty Feet of Danger" will be sent free on request. It is based on the Jatest and best medical authority the world over and ‘may save you from serious illness. Nujol Laboratories STANDARD OIL CO. (NEW JERSEY) $0 Broadway, New York window now wait all morning for a chance to go by a reviewing stand at double time. And, more than that, they like it. A Family Discussion “You hire a taxi to give your dog an airing?” “Ido.” “T call that extravagance.” “A cheeseparing policy gets you nothing. If he got his feet wet I’d have to call a doctor.” Obeying Orders “Why are you always looking into that mirror?” “The boss told me to watch myself,” said the new stenog. Poor Guy “There’s at least one chap who will miss the kaiser.” “Who is that?” “The photographer.” A Volunteer “I’m tired of this bunch of alleged movie comedians and their slapstick stuff.” “The producer says it pays.’ “Well, if he’d turn me loose in his studio with a club I could give him a great film.” Food for Thought Man wants but little here below’ and Hoover sees that he gets it. comicbooks.com