Judge, 1918-12-07 · page 12 of 32
Judge — December 7, 1918 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis of Judge Magazine Page **"Conservation" (main poem/cartoon):** This satirizes Herbert Hoover's famous "Conservation" policy during WWI rationing. A fat man drowning demands rescue while claiming "conserve the fat, you know"—mocking those who preach conservation while hoarding resources themselves. The sailor's refusal to save such hypocrisy delivers the moral punch: conservation means genuine sacrifice, not selective self-interest. **Sidebar jokes:** Light social commentary on gender dynamics and modern life—a woman's vague answer about a "siren whistle" on Liberty Day, a father discovering a suitor's presumption, and observations about workplace courtship. **"A Plaint of Politeness":** Satire on excessive manners as self-defeating; the narrator's rigid adherence to propriety costs him opportunities and comfort, suggesting American culture valued authenticity over strict etiquette. The page reflects early-20th-century American anxieties about resource scarcity, gender relations, and social conduct.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
—— sap, | erm -“CONSERVATION Jessica Hawtey Lowen. Lowe I r | WO fishers, near an upturned boat, Were floundering in the sea. And one was lean and one was fat, As fat as he could be; ‘They could not swim a single stroke, And so the sorry twain Were calling lustily for help, They called with might and main. Orson strations by \ sailor came to give them aid. “I’m sorry, mates,”’ quoth he, “IL cannot save ye both, so tell Me which it’s goin’ to be.” ‘Then up spoke Fatty: ‘Hoover Conserve the fat, you know; Your duty’s plain—to rescue me And let the other go.” The sailor viewed him wrathfully And spat into the sea. “[’m dommed if I'll be savin’ A hunk of pork, not me! [ll let ye float around a spell, Considerin’ ye’re so mean, For Who’ver ‘tis that f7 It’s me that saves | such saves the fat— the lean.” Where His Mind Was Brown—Did you hear that big siren whistle on Liberty Day? Green—Was she a blonde or brunette? A Special Order Black—What did her father say when he came into the parlor and found her sitting in your lap? White—He told her to evacuate all occupied once! territory: at Draven by Jow A. Rye “Crass Is Disaissep” Dey I saw the Aurora Borealis the ot night for the f “Did you, my dear? Was it a good show?” A Plaint of Politeness By G. Vewe Tytre AM cursed with good manners. I cannot grab for food. I cannot take the choice morsel of a dish. I instinctively choose the most uncomfortable seat. I make way for others at the } ticket office. I let everyone push ahead of me to secure the remaining seats of a subway coach. I suffer when forced to take a proffered seat. I do not interfere with the conversation of shop girls behind the counter. I wait. I accept invitations from “persons” desirous of showing off their homes or their cash in restaurants. I listen patiently to platitudes of the young, or to the discoverers of Oscar Wilde and Bernard Shaw. I agree that men are vainer than women. I smile upon annoy- ing children. I admire the costuming of all the women I know. Unless hysterical I never inquire of my love where he has been, whither going, or whom he has scer I give everyone the preference or liberty. , I lose oppor- tunities. ] am cursed with good manners. She Made a Spare” “Honey, | may be home a trifle late.” “Where are you telephoning from?” “The office, of course. Why do you ask?” “Oh, nothing. Sounds like a bowling alley, but no matter.” comicbooks.com