Judge — November 30, 1918 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| MATRIMONY| His Jewel—“Is_ Grisby unhappily married?” “I'm afraid so.” “But when he married his wife he called her his ‘jewel’.”” “So he did, but he discovered later he couldn't afford the kind of setting she demanded.”"—Birmingham Age-Herald. The Guilty One?—Gr-rr-r-h! The train drew up with a mighty crash and shock between stations. “Ts it an accident? What happened?” inquired a worried-looking individual of the conductor. “Someone pulled the __bell-cord!”” shouted the conductor. “The express knocked our last car off the track! Take us four hours before the track is clear!” “Great Scot! Four hours! Iam sup- posed to be married today!” groaned the passenger. The conductor, a bigoted bachelor, raised his eyebrows suspiciously. “Look here,” he demanded. “I sup- pose you ain’t the chap that pulled the cord?” —Truth Seeker. Somewhat Annoying—“It ma me mad for my husband to talk in his sleep.” “The poor man can’t help it.” “Maybe not, but it looks like an inti- mation that I don’t give him a chance at any other time.”"—Kansas City Journal. Served Her Right—“Poor Maud! She got cruelly deceived when she mar- ried that old man.” “Didn't he have any money?” “Oh, yes, plenty of money; but hi ten years younger than he said he was.”"— Boston Transcript. The Important Thing—A ged Suitor —It is true that I am considerably older than you, but a man is as old as he feels, you know. The Girl—Oh that doesn’t matter. What I want to know is if you are as rich as you look.—Washington Star. Not Valid—“Gadspur is a disap- pointed man.” “Why so?” “He wanted to get into the army, but made a mistake in his questionnaire.” “How was that?” “He waived exemption on the ground of domestic infelicity and the exemption board couldn’t see it that way.”—Birm- ingham Age-Herald. IL SEGRETARIO DELLA socteTA—Cosa de- siderano lor Signori? Tevesco £ Austriaco—J’ trare a far parte della loro socicta. Ik Secretanto—Benissimo, prima debbono depositare, denar:, armi, bagagli, tagliarsi unghie ¢ cape, fare un bagno disinfettante ¢ pot...st vedra. Club Official—What do you wish? Germany and Austria—We want to come in and be members. Club Oficial—Very good, but first you will have to put down that loot and arms, have your hair and nails cut, take a bath and be disinfected. Then we'll see.—Jl g20 (Flor- ence). rremmo en= SALESMANSHIP Equal to the Occasion—*Say, that lot you sold me is three feet under the water.” “Is it” “Yes, it is, and you know it is.” “Well, it's a good thing you told me. I can let you have a bargain in a canoe.” —Kansas City Journal. How Would You Like His Job?—The first German traveling salesman to visit England after the war will feel as glowing and radiant, we imagine, as a dyspep- tic floor-walker in an ice-house.—Detroit News. Unloosed a Torrent—“ How is it you couldn’t sell that dame a dictionary? Did you tell her the dictionary had 40,000 words?” “Yes, but she had more words than that, and she used ’em all telling me she didn’t want it." —Louisville Courier-Jour- nal. Great Chance—“To make sales you must seize the psychological mo- ment.” “The barber has all the best of it.” “How so?” “With a man in the chair he has at least fifteen psychological moments to talk up his stuff."—Kansas City Journal. The Price of Peace “ Pour faire kamerad, il faudrait lacher la pend “To do kamerad, I'll have to drop this swag.” —La Victoire (Paris), t comicbooks.com