Judge — November 2, 1918 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ee Tee De ee a Ee » WHEEZES | Get Busy—" Use wood,” say Geld. Do your Christmas chopping early. —Boston Transcript. One Missing—Post—There’s a mis- take somewhcre. Parker—How so? -ost—Only 364 charities have asked me for one day’s income.—Town Topics Luck—Young Doctor—I1 haven't lost a patient since I hung up my shingle. Second Ditto—I wish I had your luck All mine get well. — Boston Transcript. Defining Them—“ The dog days were particularly trying to the patience this ye: ‘i hey weren’t regular dog days. They were dachshund days.”"—IVashington Star. Another Definition—Tommy—Pop, what is an optimist? Tommy's Pop—An optimist, my son, is a person who not only hopes for the best, but actually expects to get it.— Philadel phia Record. But Did This Get Over?—IJrate Pa- rent—You can get rid of money faster than any man I know. Son—True, dad, but listen: By getting rid of it quick I save lots of time, and time, you know, is money.—Boston Transcript. The First Pipeful (This picture is so jolly that we haven't the heart to call attention to the fact that the U.S. on the collar is reversed and the N. A on the bow of his liberty cap is a bit de trop.) —It 420 (Florence) Some Jumper—Mrs. Crimsonbeak This paper says that the kangaroo is afraid of mice. Mr. Crimsonbeak—Well, say, it would be something worth while to see a lady kangaroo when surprised by a mouse Yonkers Statesman In Emergency—*“ The spur of the mo- ment,” writes Veritas, “is that infinitesi- mal space of time, it takes a man to shove his hands in his pockets when he feels his suspenders give way!" — Buffalo News The End of Bolshevism “Trotsky, tu es un cochon.” “Sire, sai fait mon poss “Trotsky, you are a “Sire, I did my best. —La Victoire (Paris). POLITENESS Doing it Politely—* Eliza,” said the mistress, “please go next door and ask them if they will kindly stop playing for awhile. Mr. Humphrey has a bad h ache. But be polite about it—be sure to be polite.” A minute later Eliza was admitted next door. ** Misses’ compliments,” she said, “and she'd be obliged if the person tryin’ to play on an out o’ tune pianna would darn stockings or something.”” “But this is our house,” returned the mistress of it, “and we are not debarred from choosing our own amusements.” “It’s a pity you ain came from the top step. ‘*When any one ain’t satisfied with two hours’ pickin’ out ‘Keep the Home Fires Burnin’ with two fingers on a pianna that ain't reliable, it’s high time somebody interfered an’ told you them fires had got to be dampened down a bit And you are lucky that I was told to do it polite.”"—St. Louis Star. Clever Work—“ You can get around almost any man if you will use the right kind of flattery.” “Umph! Did you ever try that sort of persuasion ona motorcycle policeman who was about to’arrest you for speeding?” “Once, and it got resul When the fellow overhauled me I said it was a pity that a man who could handle his machine as well as he did wasn’t winning fame and glory as a dispatch bearer for Ger eral Pershing. That started him off. He told me how he'd tried to enlist six dif- ferent times and had been rejected for physical disability. He got so indignant and [ listened h so much sympathy that we shook hands at parting and he forgot all about what it was he stopped me for.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. HELP He Wondered—Mrs. Sparks (deject- edly)—Our cook is going to leave, Frank. She says the kitchenette isn’t large enough to turn around in. Mr.Sparks—By George! I wonder if she'll stay if I instalaturntable.—BuffaloExpress. Reversed—“How do you manage to keep your servant girl?” Il tell you. In the old days you know we used to give the maid Thursday evening out. Now she takes the rest of the week and Thursday is our night out.” —Detroit Free Press. comicbooks.com