Judge — November 2, 1918 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A. Digeet of the Vorldls Htc he Wittiest Thoughts Suggested Remedy—A lighterman from a river boat was leaning over a bar voicing his opinion of the war. He seemed to be a chronic pessimist, and the crowd was tired of him. “It's awful,” he said. “This ere blood- shed day after day is cruel. Think of it now, every time I breathe a man dies.” Asked a sarcastic bystander, “Have you ever tried cloves London Tit-Bits. Pinched—It must be even harder work in Austria trying to find little bits for breakfast. Some advertisements from a Trieste newspaper: “Tron bed, pair of black trousers and coat offered in exchange for foodstuff: New novels, large selection, in ex- change for five pounds of food “Finest stockings, lady’s colored, in exchange for sugar or fats.” “Linen sheets wanted to make into a dress, for cash or maize mea! “Yellow canary in exchange for rabbit. Japanese vases for fats or beans.” “A business suit offered in exchange for one pound of fat.” “Two and one-fifth poundsof unroasted coffee offered for a single bed and mattress complete.” —San Francisco Chronide, Pride—Parson—I hadaletter from your chum, George; he told me all about the battle, and that he saw you fall. Tommy—Excuse me, sir, but George is a liar; I was blown up.—L don Tit-Bits. How It Happened “What became of your prisoner?” “He stopped, sir, and as I had received no command to halt I kept right on walking, and un- ECuns fortunately my bayonet of went right through him.” —Detroit Free Press. Cattle in Spain “My dear, what is the meaning of those tickets? You surely don't intend to patron- ze a horrid bull-fi “No, no—Heaven forbid! I sketched a cow on the menu to indicate that it was wanted, and he has brou ne the Passing Shote (London Foresight—Officer—The ground was simply shocking aiter the rain: we thought the battle would have to be postponed. Lady—Well, do you know, we were in the same predicament the day of our Red Cross Festival, but we had the foresight to cover the ground with straw.—London Opinion. Innocence Led On “Mais, c'est pas moi, c'est lui qui tire.” ““Galopin, “Teain’t m nis Very minute’ go that dog, I tell yor t's him that’s pulling Le Péle-Méle (Paris). eee re eee nna eo ES eT, i AUTOS | |e nace Re at EN Nt Accounting for His Haste— Judge—You were arrested for driving your car at the rate of fifty miles an hour. Prisoner—Yes, Your Honor. And you had a lady in the car.” “Yes, Your Honor; my wife's mother. I was taking her home from my house.” “But what was the hurry?” “T was speeding the parting guest, Your Honor.”’—Yonkers Statesman Speaking of Horns—Redd—Which do you think can do the more damage when it strikes you, an automobile or a cow? Green—Why, an automobile, of course “IT don’t see how. A cow has two horns and an automobile only one.”— Yonkers Statesman. A Blowout—* The Smiths had a big blow-out the other night.” t their daughter’s birthday cele- it was their automobile tire Baltimore American. Claims Rear-End_— Collision—“1 hear that lightning struck Speeder’s big, new automobile.” “ Well, Speeder claims it was his automobile that struck the light- ning.”” — Boston Tran script. The Lesser Expense —T hear that you have bought your daughter an automobile. Pretty expensive game, isn’t it?” “No, it’s a matter of economy. I figured that the car will keep her away from bridge parti Pearson's Weekly. comicbooks.com