Judge — October 19, 1918 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

His Record By Tos P. Morcas f H-YAH!” a trifle grimly said the Old Codger, after the per- son whom he was glaring at had passed on his smiling way down the street. “I believe Augustus Gush has given more good advice, recited more helpful maxims, pushed himself in to shed sunshine o’er more beds of pain, caught up with more lone pedestrians, called atten- tion to more overlooked oppor- tunities, uttered more well-chosen words, rooted for more worthy causes, reminded more pessimists that no matter how drear was the day here somewhere else the sun was shining, pointed out more misfortunes that were blessings in disguise, renewed acquaintance with more friends of his boyhood, and on these and several other similar accounts won more cor- dial detestation than any other well- meaning man I ever knew.” The Lunatic By Wittias Sanprorp Y friend Jones is crazy—raving M crazy over a certain girl. He talks about her almost con- stantly when we are together. He tells me how beautiful she is, what a charm- ing manner she has, and how well she plays the piano. You would think, to hear Jones discoursing on this girl, that she was the most won- derful girl in the world. It’s really amusing. I’ve met the girl and talked with her. Jones introduced me. There’s nothing remarkable about her at all. In fact I didn’t even find her interesting. Now if Jones had said all of these things about a certain girl that I in- troduced Jones to a while ago, there would be some sense in it, because they all absolutely apply to her. Sometime I almost think that Jones has got the two girls mixed and is really de- scribing mine, but no! he always Wf uses the girl’s name when he raves, so he must really mean his! The poor nut! He's craz Positive Proof HERE is Some talk going the rounds that you had trouble with the doctor when you were sick?” “Nope, not in pertickler,” replied Mr. Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark. “I just took a shot at him for not knowing his business; that’s all. But I was so shaky that I missed him—so there was nothing to make talk about. You sce, I felt sicker than seven hundred dollars, and when the doctor came he pawed me over for a spell and then said there wasn’t any- thing serious the matter with me. I just dug my gun out from under the piller and took the aforesaid shot at him for not knowing what he was talking about. There is al- ‘4 ways something serious the matter with a feller when he wants to shoot his doctor! It Worked HE great financial man of the paper had contracted the habit of paying visits to the Star office at the most unexpected times, which often resulted in a gen- eral “shake-up” of the paper’ s managerial, ed- itorial and* working forces, and was awaited with fear and anxiety. On one of these occa- sions, a pressman, an excellent workman, who was guilty of oc- casional lapses from so: briety, had a black eye, and was much disturbed as to what ex- cuse he should offer should the great man observe the discolored orb. happy thought came to him and he seized an ink-roller and rubbed a daub of ink on the side of his face completely concealing the discolora- tion of the skin. In a few moments the man of finances entered the room, care- fully criticizing every detail and scrutinizing Evolution Three men, an Irishman, a Swede and a Hebrew, were brought to court The Hebrew was arrested for stealing a cow; the Swede for stealing a horse, and the Irishman for stealing a wagon “Well,” said the judge, turning to the Hebrew, “where did you get the cow?” “T’yehadit sinceit was a calf,” was the reply ea Ss : Drawn by Axces MacDoyaut cach employee sharply. As he was about to “Where did you get the horse?” he asked leave, he turned suddenly and pointing to the Tue Navy’s Ipea oF A the Swede. besmirched pressman, said to the superinten- Lire PResERVER “TDyehadit since it wasa colt,” was the reply dent: “ Mr. Wise, what is that man’s name?” of the Swede. The offender was overcome with fear until he heard: “And Patrick, where did you get the wagon?” asked the Heis judge of the thief. “want you togive him four dollarsa week more wages. “Oh, Your Honor, I’ve had it since it was a wheel-barrow.”” the only man in the room that looks as if he had been working.” comicbooks.com