Judge — October 19, 1918 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Not His Preference Fully Occupied JOW, look here, Hooke j THERE seems to have been a i pretty bad fire in town here sternly said ’Squire Peavy, . yesterday,”’ said the guest “you have been before me so many “Yes,” replied the landlord of the times that I am tired of seeing you aff Petunia. Tavern. “It probably around, and-———” { wouldn’t have amounted to very “Yassah!"’ replied the sable male- much if the chief of the fire depart- factor. “I's been ‘sociated wid y ment hadn't been so full of local pride honah tollable frequent, and dat’s a He was in the midst of a match game fact. But ‘tain’t’ puhsizely muh : of horseshoes with the champeen choice, sah. I’s got udder bizness dat pitcher of Smackover, and the score I likes better.” had been tied for seven straight in- vi] nings when the fire bell rang. And as Their Experiment the Smackover sport had dared and “We had heered a good deal about double dared the chief to defend the this yur moral suasion for children, f honor of his birthplace till he finally and finally me and wife, got the game, nacher’ly the chief try it on our | ‘ didn’t feel like quitting till he had fessed Mr. Gap Johnson, of Rumpus humbled his adversary to the dust, Ridge, Ark. “It worked first rate, as it were.” too, after we'd knocked him down and hog-tied him Salvage “Yessir,” said the marketman briskly. “That's five pounds of sir- Nautical Boy! whose father and uncles are vy, is thoroughly imbued with patriotic caution, which explains = =i Willie loin, two pounds of bacon, ten pounds —- Pra" by J. A. Rrax all in the of potatoes, and celery, tomatoes and Pieper anything be minke Peet, peaches—eleven dollars and_ sixteen haven'e had & ait the following recent variation in his cents—is that all?” prayers: “And, O Lord, bless a Smith (thinking of his flaccid pay-envelope)—No—er—not certain group of naval officers whose names are for oblivious + quite all—I'm reserving a little for tobacco. reasons withheld.” Philosophy—Sometimes: 4y Walt Mason “Uncle” Walt’s Exclusive Weekly Message to Judge HEN Jones, my neighbor, has bad luck, I Today, before J took my lyre, to grind out this sit and moralize all day; I say wise things; immortal pome, I fried to start the kitchen fire, here in I’m never stuck for something sensible to my ivy-mantled home. The wood was damp, the draft say. My neighbor was poor, and so I used some ‘ takes misfortune hard; he lacks kerosene; and then I soared a mile, Sass my brand of common sense; I I'm sure, and landed on the vil- wal hear him cuss around the yard, lage green. My face was scorched, ! and kick the pickets from the my hair destroyed, my whiskers were like singéd moss. I said, while sailing through the void, “Philosophy’s a total loss.” And when I landed on the loam, I swore because of broken bones; and who should come to help me home, but that blamed fence. I say to him, “Be patient, Jones; philosophy is what you need; why fill the air with rants and groans, and dark blue lan- guage gone to seed? Misfortune comes toone and all; ‘twill doubt- i less hit me in a while, and if it lummox, George R. Jones. } does I shall not bawl, but wear “Be patient, friend,” I heard t a wide and patient smile. A man him say, ‘“philosophy’s the stuff that wins; you can forget grief can bear affliction’s sting, he can in a day, if you will spring a line forget it in a day, if he will only Vi] smile and sing, and swear that of grins. The wise man doesn’t \ | everything’s O. K rafit around when all his joints ' i “You blamed old faker,” Drawn by E are shaken loose; he makes a i] Jones replies, “you are a blemish “you Buaweo Orn Faker,” Joxes Reruirs, glad and hopeful sound, and ihe on the scene; it’s mighty easy “You Are a Brewis ox tue Scene.” quotes a rhyme from Mother i] to be wise, when everything is all Goose.” Pi serene. Just wait until you’re out of luck, until mis- “T’'m broken now and weak,” I said, “but when I’m oe fortune makes you blue, and then, I'll bet a silver buck feeling strong enough, I'll surely punch your doggone j that you will paw the landscape, too.” head if you don’t can that kind of stuff.’ . comicbooks.com