Judge — September 21, 1918 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ie LE he ORF BIT _ + put five pfen THE MELTING POT Gus Bane Having Excitement—Gus Peterson ha bane having hard tam tu decide if ha vant tu yoin the army or navy, so ha ain’t git in either vone yet. Ven his best girl asking hem vy ha don’t enlistment Gus tal her ha can’t git in because ha got chilly blains on his toe, but dis girl her say it bane cold feet in- stead and Gus ha git mad and quit her cold. Vell, annie vay, Gus bane a great bases ball fans and ven the soldier and sailor play last veek ha vas the first faller in grand stands and ha stood up in fronts vere ha could hear dis faller Dog Dale sigh ven the crowd cum in. Dog Dale ha bane sad faller because it vas first tam annie von cum tu ball parks this year and they all git in free. Gus ha pick sailor tu vin the game and ha start in tu boost yust sum so hard ha could du it. The soldier mak 6 run and the sailor don’t have annie and Gus ha bane terrible disgust, but ha keep on holler for sailor yust the same. Most of the sailor faller vas bleaching out by the left fields and ven it cum along the five innings the soldier team mak vone run. All the sailor git excitement and they stand up in bleacher and holler: “Cum on! Let's go! Le Dis mak Gus awful mad and ha up, tu, and holler right back at the “Vot in hal yu vant to go for ven yu yust start tu making score?""—Washing- ton State Weekly. More German Efficiency Policeman—What the devil are you trying to do to that letter box? Student (somewhat led)—Off'cer, I i machine over a jour ago, and no choc'late’s c’m out.”—Der Brummer (Zurich). His Mind Mad Up—A Highlander asked at a railway station the price of a ticket to a certain place. The clerk told him. “Hoot awa’,” replied Donald; “it’s far ower dear. I'd rather walk!” and off he started. He had not proceeded far when the train came tearing along, whistling as it neared a station. “Ye needna whistle for me!" said Donald. “I made ye an offer aince, and ye wadna tak’ it; sae ye can gang on. I’m no comin London Tit-Bits. Little Willy's Big Problem “Després dirdn que no res alld on arribem, alld ens quedem. il be in an equally bad fix whether we go forward or backward.”—Esquella (Barcelona) What the Devil ¥ it the Devil Said to the Kaiser?—De Opperste Veld- heer—,,leder kwartier een schot op het hart van Parijs—Heere, hoe dank ik U!” Satan—,,Dat dankje keerde adres. Het is mijn Noten Kraker, Amsterdam. Too Forward—At a parade of a com- pany of newly-called-up men, the drill instructor’s face turned scarlet with rage as he slated a new recruit for his awk- wardness. “Now, Rafferty,” he roared, ‘you'll spoil the line with those feet. Draw them back at once, man, and get them in line.” Rafferty’s dignity was hurt. “Plaze, sargint,”’ he said, “they're not mine; they’re Micky Doolan’s in the rear rank!""—London Answers. Paradoxical “Curieux! lourd et moi lége “Strange, ne I'm a light one —he's a heavy sleeper and —Le Péle-Méle (Paris) BOARDERS That Safe Feeling—“You say you have a fire-escape at each floor?” said the applicant for a room. “Yes, we have,” replied the boarding- house lad “Must give you a feeling of security “It does if the boarders are all paid up.”"—Yonkers Statesman. Up and Doing—The country boarder from Boston had risen carly and taken a stroll. Returning an hour later he met the farmer. “Well, young man,” said the latter, “been out to hear the ycock crow, I suppose.” And the sly old chap winked at his hired man who stood nearby. The Boston man smiled. “No,” he said suavely; “I've merely been out ty- ing a knot in a cord of wood.”—Boston Transcript. A Distinguishing Trait—A_ local minister who recently attended a con- vention in a neighboring city was obliged to stay at a boarding house on account of crowded hotel conditions. In conversation with the landlady, the minister inquired: “Do you keep many preachers here?” “Oh, yes, quite a few,” the landlady replied. “LT suppose you find them just about the same as other people.” “Oh, yes,” the landlady said, “but I think they eat more.” —Youngstown Tele- gram. Disregarded—Summer Boarder (slap- ping his cheek)—And you have a sign up, “No mosquitoes.” Farmer—I know ‘it, but the consarned critters pay no more ‘tention to it than the gunners pay to the sign “No tres- passing.”"—Boston Transcript. comicbooks.com