Judge — September 21, 1918 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| WA R_ | 0 en cuere Re a | Slow—“I don’t understand it.” “What?” “ My boy has been in France two weeks hasn’t won the Croix de Guerre yet.""—Detroit Free Press. now The Answer—Sentry—Who goes there? Recruit—Me, But I ain't goin’; Iam comin’,—Baltimore American. The Hun Hollers for Help—‘ Help! Help!” signaled a German general. “We need six more divisions over here.” “What's the matter?” asked head- quarters. “Two platoons of Americans are at- tacking was the reply, and immedi- ately German headquarters knew that the need for help was urgent.—Detroit Free Press. From a German Diary—In speaking of the apparent lack of justice in the awarding of decorations, the anonymous English author of “A General's Letters to His Son” (Houghton Mifflin) quotes the following delightful extract from the diary of a German soldier: “Monday—It rained heavily and our Lieutenant Muller was drunk. “Tuesday—The English shelled us and our Lieutenant Muller was very drunk. “Wednesday—The English shelled us more heavily and our Lieutenant Muller was drunk and incapable. * “Thursday —We were ordered to attack. Our Lieutenant Muller called out to us from his dagout to advance more rapidly. “ Friday— Seemies Sunday—Our Lieutenant Muller re- ceived the Iron Cross.”—Kansas City Times. Sarcastic—“‘James proposed § mar- riage to me last night.” “And you accepted him?” “No. I told him I wasn’t competing with cither the army or navy in enlisting recruits.”"—Detroit Free Press. lA Digest of the Worldir Humor The Wittiest Thoughts s from the Brightest Minds —— 2 Forewarned, Foe-armed Maudie—But why won't you sail the new ven you, Frankie? g to risk it with that I'll bet he’s got a re.—The German boy over there. submarine hidden away s Passing Show (London) Righto!—“ What sort of a peace will satisfy you?” “One that will bear the label: ‘Made in Germany by the Allies.’”—Detroit Free Press. The Moon's Lament “Pinspirais les poétes et les amourcux échangaient leurs serments decant moi. Main- tenant, je facilite la cenue des Gotha “T used to be the friend of poets and lovers, and now I assist the German air raiders!"— La Baionnette (Paris). j HUNS Fitting—The new Hun helmet is specially designed to protect the neck How wise! That is just where Ger a is going to get it Opinign. Rudimentary Education — “The trouble with the Prussians is their school system.” How would you revise it I'd give the kaiser and his six sons some old-fashioned copybooks and make them put in all their time writing ‘Hon esty is the Best Policy.’”—Washington Star. One He Overlooked Attila’s shade beyond the Styx With keen regret, replied “Alas! When I was at my I unnish tricks, Why didn’t I think of poison gas?” — Cartoon's Magazine. Von Hutier, Perhaps—‘ General,” cried the orderly, riding up in great ex- citement, “our left wing is gone.” “Then it is no longer possible to fly,”” replied the general thoughtfully. ‘‘ How- ever, we should not forget that our legs are left.” Thereupon he led the way.—Boston Transcript. If They Had They'd Laugh Out- right—‘“ How do you suppose the kaiser gets by with those weird explanations of defeat, he makes to his people?” “That’s easy. He knows that the Germans have no sense of humor.”’— Detroit Free Press. As They Lie—“ Now,” said the pro- fessor, “supposing that by some convul- sion of nature portions of the earth now under water became dry land, what would be the most prominent characteristic of the landscape?” And the summer girl who was trying to suppress a yawn replied: “German submarines.”—London Tit-Bits. oN comicbooks.com