Judge — September 14, 1918 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

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There is only one thing that makes us regret the coming end of the war, and | that is the thought of the book-agents with histories of it. | talking about her | Germany keeps “forefield troops.” We don’t know just what they are, but all we have to say to | them is “Fore!” | The new draft act will be a great joy to the fellows of forty who a year ago were so sad because they weren't thirty. The average circulation of money in | the United States is $52.44, and the average time you hang onto it is three seconds, If the censors want to censor something they might delete the “still” in “still con- tinues”’ in the communiqués. We manage to keep up with the Ameri- can troops, but it is hard to keep up with the French pronunciations. I ran into a French phrase yesterday and fell down on it and dislocated my grammatical construction. Now they have discovered a remedy for bone disease. The pacifist ought to rub a little on his head And, if Sir Douglas Haig can’t get the final jum mp on the Germans, we'll send over Sir Douglas Fairbanks. But will Dentist Davis please explain why he didn’t do something to the Kaiser while he had him? It must get on a German officer’s nerves a little to be captured by a Yankee soldier named Meyer. The Germans have put gas-masks on* their dogs, and they ought to dothésame on their “cheese. If Germany trips on the Hindenburg line there is no telling how far she may fall back. We will say this for the German waiter; ne doesnt treat us with the contempt he There is no telling what these Czechs | will do with a few Cyanks to help them. Germany seems to have tried every way to obtain a German peace but the want ads. Red tape would not be so bad if they would put a little elastic in it. Now that we have turned around, we are enjoying the drive much better. The salient features of the German situation is now the lack of them. German efficiency is getting so it smells just like any other fish. What is a Questionnaire By P. G. Mersovrse T is the greatest invention of the age. A human washing, starch- | ing, and ironing machine. For instance, it compels a man to decently support his wife and children, and if he is not blessed with any of these jt acts as prophet and evangelist in leading him to find invalid and help- less relatives to be taken under his wing as dependents. It causes him | solicitous regard for aged, infirm par- ents, or crippled, orphan brothers and sisters, and palsied and epileptic old aunts and uncles. He becomes a champion of the weak, the halt, the blind, and the maimed. O give me de- pendents! he cries. Moreover, it is a sure preventive of race suicide. And, then, his_ infirmities aforetime were hidden are now, Judge The mission of this publication is to nen which for- the gospel of cheerfulness Copyright. 1918, by LeslieJudge Company / Euterad at the Post-ofhce at New York as sia tose matter at “Jud jepbooe 663: jon Square, bed weekly by LeaieJudge Company, Brunswick Building, #25 Fifth Avenue ork. Jobo A. Sleicher, Presidertt ‘euben 'P. Sleicher, See'y. Perriton Maxwell, Elton A. E, Rollauer, Treasurer. As Waldron, Literary Editor. Grant E. Hamilton, Lawton M. Art Director Nesociate Editor SUBSC! RIPTION, RATES One year, $8 numbers Six months, or %6 suntbers Thirteen weeks - - 3 Payable in advance or by draft on New York, of by express order scatents of TUDGE are protected by cop Tight in both ted States and G: rit ME TUDGR ceonet be found st aay newsstand, the publishers. will be under obligation if that fact be promptly reported on postal card or by letter. BACK NUMBERS: Present year, 10 cents per copy; 1917 10 cents; 1916, 20 cents, ete. Postage free in the United States, its dependencies, and M: Seo, To Canadian Provinces add 00 cents 8 year for postage: to “WEE countries add $1.00 a year. FE cannot undertake to reture asolicited manuscripts unless they are accompanied by full postage for 00 ry es @ 1 a Department Offices New York conto Marquette Building ~ Henry Building - Judge is printed by the Schweinker Press Mrs. Utopia Husband—You are always asking me for money! Wife—Well, hope springs eternal. sooth, acknowledged; he pines, though, because of eye defect or other disquali- fication which he must perforce suffer to debar him from military service. Indeed, the most listless fellow is encouraged to brush up and show the stuff that is in him; he is changed to an industrial leader overnight, and abso- lutely indispensable to his present em- ployer. Stirring patriotism and an unconquer- able desire to get at the Hun, dominates all statements, either oral or written, to his local board; and he just couldn’t restrain himself—if, but, only were it not for those depending upon him. Out of his salary of, say, $150 per month, dependents require $147.50 for their maintenance, clearly showing how diffi- cult it would be for them to exist, and one thing or other, while he would be fighting in the trenches. Thousands who have ined a questionnaire will very shortly have that opportunity; but take this for your watchword: Be CAREFUL! It is sharper than a two-edged sword. not yet exam- Pity Him! Oh, pity the poor correspondent Who sailed away to the var. He’s living in lodgings in Lunnoa And viewing the strife from afar. FPresrw7nrerovmavwrervwravrvw comicbooks.com