Judge — September 14, 1918 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

September 14, 1918 = Brief For half an hour the two negroes, hand-cuffed together in the same seat of the prison train, had been silent. Finally the maple-colored one took it upon himself to make conversation. “Wut yo up foh?” he asked his shiny-black companion. “Ah saw he croaked. “ How long yo gwine-a be up de ribber?” The ebony-hued prisoner shifted his great bulk around in the seat and rolled his little eyes until they were full on his questioner. His un- der lip protruded sourly for at least an inch. “Fum now awn,” he said.—Tiger. busted up a fren ob mah wife’s an’ Unselfish “She is so unselfish, isn’t she?” “What has she done now?” “She kept all her spring bills a secret to her husband until fall, knowing that he would be worried about them.” —Widow. What, Indeed? “Tdreamed a dream,” the enraptured Poet cried ‘What could you dream but dreams?” the Fool replied. —Awgwan. Candor Frank —When you proposed to her, I sup- pose she said, “This is so sudden”? Ernest—No, she was honest and said, * suspense has been terrible.” —Medley. A Fishing S: This Comfort Kit for Your Soldiers One box Olive Drab liver pills (to match uni- form). One pack Pall Bearers’ cigarettes. One knitted gas mask One Wetsock patent save HIS lite ). One pocket swimming pool with concentrated water for same. One combination tie clasp and grandfather clock. One life-size statue of mounted, in bronze. One carton Rough on Ratskellers. One box Boche Banisher. Sprinkle on knees, knuckles, and nose. (Will keep even HIS bunkie away.) One bottle of Ed. Pinhead’s O. D. cologne. One Baedeker’s Guidebook to Berlin One bathing-suit for“use in the “tanks.” One glove. One knitted sock.— Purple Cow. (may bayonet smasher Admiral Persimmons, ack—Chaparral A Good Catch WITH THE COLLEGE WITS Irrepressible, Joyous, Irresponsible eT PRN TL The Wonder She could scarcely wait for their dance to come around. It seemed a year till he came toward her. He was the handsomest thing she ever saw. His hair was so wonderful it was terrifying. His eyes she felt no pen could describe. His tall, manly form was perfect. Finally he came up to her. He spoke and his voice was heavenly. He smiled. His smile was divine. He swept her into his arms. The music was her favorite dance piece. He danced like a lame cab horse.—Sun Dial, The Reader Dramas Persona—Mr. Jones, name two or three of Shakespeare’s comedies. J.—Well—ah—um the only ones that I’m familiar with are “Noth- ing Much !Doing” and “Just as You Say.” Awguun. Breaking the News “Father, was writing done on tablets of stone in the old days?” “Yes, my son,” re- plied the dutiful parent “Gee!” mused the boy. “Then it must have taken a crowbar to break the news.”"— Burr. In Latin Class Freshman translating “portamus”” Now “mus” means “we” and “porta” means “gates,” but I thought “ wee gates” wis German.— Record. A Studious Goat “This,” said the goat, as he turned from the tomato and began on the broken mirror with relish, ‘this is indeed food for reflection.” —Burr. News to Him Sam—Ah done neerd dat dey fin’ Columbus’ bones. Ah nevah knew dat he wuz Panther. Lawd! a gamblin’ man. The Infernal Triangle \ lady fair, known as Miss Taliaferro Was loved by a soldier named Oliaferro; When a stranger one day Tried to take her away, Ol. punctured him with his revoliaferro. The Other Fellow Young Woman (entering music store)—Have you “Kissed Me in the Moonlight’? Clerk—I don’t think so; I’m new here. be it was the other man.—Medley. May- SEXOLOGY by William H. Wall Keow! Ye Man Shoold Have Kescledfe 2 Youss Hesbaed d Should Hare Apt Comparison Rit—Why is kissing your girl like a bottle of olives? rs—I don’t know. Rit—If you can get one, the rest come easy. — Burr. Double Time Van—What did Hester do when you tried to hold her hand? Dan—She said to take two while I was learning. —Cha parral. How Is This, Ellen? Prof—What do you consider the greatest achievement of the Roman people? B. A.—Talking Latin.—Burr. Could Have Been Edited Stude—How did you like Dean Holmes’ sermon in chapel last Sunday? Other One—It was fair, but I saw three or four mighty good places where he could have stopped. —Froth. And Anger Them Flooey—There goes a man who has done much to arouse the people. Zowey—Great labor agitator, eh? ‘0, a manufacturer of alarm clocks. Self-Abnegation tres?” —Widow. “Why don’t you give up ci “T do every time I meet you. comicbooks.com