Judge — September 14, 1918 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Weariness: 46y Walt Mason "M tire won, “It isn’t whipped the Hun, and make the welkin it isn’t well to paw the ground, and throw your hats and sing. Though for a moment he is nipped by some ten-cent defeat, the Hun is far from being whipped—we'll find him hard to beat. When our brave armies make ad- vance, I want to celebrate; I want to toot a horn and prance, and my opinions state. And wise old boys who call me down, and dampen all my glee, may for their wisdom gain renown, but make no hit with me I’m tired of men who peel their wad to help the war along, then advertise the fact abroad, with trumpet and with gong. “We dug up many hard-earned bones to help to can the Hun,” we hear them cry, in ringing tones, ‘and see the struggle won. ring; They all will run for Congress soon, and when they make campaigns we'll hear of every picayune they dug up from their jeans. One-way Traffic There must be a humorist on the Board of Selectmen of a certain Connecticut village which has erected in its cemetery a sign readin, “One-w: “Uncle” Walt's Exel. of men who darkly say, when victories are well to get too gay It isn’t well to whoop around Traftic—Keep to the Right.” Week US Iv I'm tired of s game, and tell m is all to blame. we haven't Drawn by ¥. Fuomnt “I Waxt to Toor a Horx axp Prance ann My Opinions Stare!” load a dray. . through their flowing t Alas, I’m tired of many by day; and if I wrote the lis Jud I bore profiteers who 5 war I'm tired of men who sce me bent above my daily stunt, and say, with criminal intent, “Why aren’t you at the front?” ‘They know that long since I was placed on the “rejected” shelves, because I'm large around the waist—why don’t they go themselves? I’m tired of punk, ill-written books which tell of gore and bones, and dead men floating in the brooks, and breezes charged with groans, I'm tired of all the wise old boys who tell what we should do when peace succeeds the martial noise and Wilhelm’s in the stew. I'm tired of seeing Father Doom the lives of good men snatch, while German princes strut and bloom, and never get a ratch. things, they bore me day t, by jings, that list would Hooveresque Green arrived home late from business for dinner, which he was eating alone. His daughter was busy in the kitchen, when his wife remarked to her: “Don’t take out the garbage yet, dear. Your father isn’t through cating yet.” Josh Billings, Jr., on ‘‘Advurtizing”’ By Lewis Auten Browne Y cuzin Hirum whoze mind is as narow as a me the othur day, “Aint ita shaim the way peepul spend monney razur blaid is thik, sed 2 for this hear fool advurtizing? “Tt wood be but for 1 im portunt reezon,” I maid reaply “and that is that thear iz no fool advurtizing.” “U doan’t kno what I meen, z Cuzin Hirum. “IT kno U R meen enuff for annything,” sez I, “but U R rong a bout advurtiz- ing.” “Adum and Eav got a long well enuff and they did- unt advurtize,” sed Cuzin Hirum. “Onlie B caws thear wuz kno newspaperz then,” sez I, “but even then they advur- tized. Doan’t U remember it wasn’t long befoar thear was tizing. No,” sez maik a desent are advurtizing, Drawn by Warten Vax Aspare Give Tuem Time “I sce Helen De Peyser and young Evans are still engaged.” “Apparently. T! other yet.” sampul human beeings to advurtize dusn’t haven't seen enough of each That wuz sertinly advur- I, “the man who dusn’t know enuff know enuff to know how to livin. When the birds sing thay when your darter Sal dresses up she is advurtizing her charms, when the flourz blume and the leevs kum out Spring is advurtizing. When U wu a baby U wood have starved if U didunt advurtize— “How wuz that?” asked my cuzin in sirprize. “Tf U hadnt yelled when U wuz hungry know one wood have known U was hungry and U wood have starved, whitch unforchewnutly U did not.” “T ges U R rite,” my cuzin, not under standing my repparty. comicbooks.com