Judge — August 24, 1918 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GE August 24, 1918 The Notion Counter By Dovetas Matiocn OMEN are doing so many things W that men used to do, and doing them so well, that about the only y to keep our jobs is to marry them. lhis giving a young man command of ompany must be spoiling a lot of them for married life. I wish all hotel men would adopt the stary Club motto, “He profits most who rves the best.” Let us not complain that we have so ich to do, but realize that we have so uch to do. Last night I dreamed of a girl I hadn't en in years; I am glad she looked so well. We all want a little change once in a hile; even a dog now and then runs on © legs. From the foreign mail it appears that Daughter is holding a sector of the French front. Nobody would pay much attention to htning if it didn’t advertise with thunder. If you are sick of the war, the only thing to do is to make Germany sick of it. The over-dresser forgets that sometimes you can’t see the picture for the frame. What most women want is a $10,000-a- ar husband who is hardy at beating rugs. But years ago the lazy man’s wife put “work or fight”’ order into effect. I just got an unkind letter, and it made me resolve never to write one. A man may be the salt of the earth, but world also wants pep. There is no wealth lik none that is wasted more. People say “it is needless to say,” and then go right on and say it. As I understand it, Adam was a white man, and Ham a carbon copy. R experience, and A TRIBUTE FROM FRANCE THIS ADMIRABLE PICTURE « « which adorned the cover of a recent issue of JUDGE has been reproduced in full colors and mounted on a heavy mat, II x 14, ready for the frame For twenty-five cents, cash or stamps, we will send it. postage free. Judge Art Print Department, 225 Fifth Av., New York City | | WANTED—AN IDEA! WHO CAN THINK OF SOME Protect your ideas. they may bring Needed Inventions” and “How to * Randsioh & Co. in, D.C le thing to patent? wealth Write for Your Patent and Your ttornevs, Dept. 129. W WRITE THE WORDS FOR A SONG We wnte music and assist in securing publisher's ac- ceptance. Submit poems on war, lo’ ny subject CHESTER MUSIC COMPANY 638 South Dearborn St., Sulte 253, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS The Value of a Smile By Kesxern L. ONSIDERED as an investment, the genial or open-faced smile usually yields a higher return than that promised by prospectuses of hypothetical oil wells or almost -silver mines. It stimulates the heart-action, improves the circulation and clevates the spirits, thus aiding the digestion and tending to prolong life. It keeps the face young in appearance and creates a feeling of youthful con- fidence in the brain, thus adding vigor to one’s movements and increasing one’s efficiency. Many instances have been known where a smile at the proper time saved a man from being punched on the jaw or struck on the head with some heavy, blunt instrument. Depression and dejection find it hard to struggle against a pleasant smile; and in this age of rapid action and snap judgments, the man who smiles frequently receives the letter of recommendation or the $50,000 loan, while the man who doesn’t smile is politely but firmly dismissed as being sluggish, sullen and a poor risk. Why everyone doesn’t keep smiling all the time, if only for his own good, is a matter which passes understanding. Ronexts No Distinction am twenty-seven years old,” pridefully said the pickle-necked, desiccated gent. “And in all that time I have never kissed a girl or been kissed by one.” “You have nothing to brag about,” snarled J. Fuller Gloom. “The average mummy has been deprived of that pleasure at least two hundred and twenty-two and two-ninths times as long.” | “The Utmost Cigarettes s is Punialed hp BM) Pople of culture and refinement invariably PREFER. D. te hor cial to any other cigarette. ities Unanswerable “Constable Slackputter thinks he is pretty smart, but a stranger asked him a question the other day that he couldn’t answer,” related the landlord of the Petunia tavern. “We've got a mighty strident automobile ordinance here, and Slackputter is powerful ferocious in enfore- ing it. Well, the feller I'm speaking of turned his little old Gourd car up the wrong way in front of Tombs’ Undertaking Parlors, and Slackputter hollered at him. The feller started to leave, and Slack jumped in front of the car and roared, ‘Halt! I must uphold the law But, sir, the feller just tromped on the ac- cumulator, and the car knocked Slack down and scrabbled right over him. “Well, tee! hee!” says the feller, looking back as he driv away at the constable con- voluting around on the ground. ‘Why don’t you?’ Safety Ist Said Newhub: “You say you'll make bisquit, But I really don’t think you should riscuit. To tell you the fact As to how those things act, They give me a pain in my briscuit.” That Much Settled “Man is a tyrant,” declared Mrs. Flubdub. “Isn't he, John? Really, my dear, I hardly——” “Ts he, or is he not?” “He is.” Chopping Us Off “Tt is needless to say—"” we began. “Probably,” interrupted J. Fuller Gloom, “but, of course, that will not prevent you from saying it. However, it is needless for me to linger to listen. Good day!” comicbooks.com