Judge — July 20, 1918 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

I JOURNALISM | Wild and Woolly—The city editor of one of the largest western news organ- izations in giving instructions to a “cub” reporter said: “Young man, what would you do if you ran a story that the mayor of the town had been shot, and then had the story denied?” “Do?” replied the “cub” reporter. “I would immediately print a correction.” “Correct nothing,” replied the editor. “In a case like that go buy a gun and shoot him.”—Wall Street Journal. His Ruling Passion—The world- famous editor was dying, but when the doctor bent over, placed his ear on his breast, and said: “Poor man! circula- tion almost gone!”’ the dying editor sat up and shouted: “You're a liar; we have the largest circulation in the country!” Then he got out of bed and wrote an article on the malice of unsuccessful rivals.—London Tit-Bits. HUNS Will Be Fed Up with Fight—The American soldiers are the best-fed fight- ing men in the world, according to the War Department's diet expert. But before the war is over the German soldiers are going to be the best fed-up fighting men in the world.—Syracuse Herald. A Hit Worth While—The Kaiser sits in stately hall, a map before his eyes; O would an allied bomb might fall upon him from the skies.—Birmingham Age-Herald. The Same Breed—It must be very difficult to be a German cartoonist, and not be allowed to call attention to the fact that the Crown Prince looks exactly like a dachshund.—Cleveland Plain Dealer. The Imperial Nut Farm—‘As I understand it, Potsdam is the White House of Germany, is it not?” “It is not. Potsdam is the bughouse of Ger- many.” —Buffalo Express. A Teuton's Promise—The German— Of course, I promised you self-deter- mination. The Ukrainian (bitterly) —Well? The German—But I didn’t say whether I meant yourself or myself to do the'de- termining, did 1?—Buffalo Express. Stage Economy Property wan (to theatrical manager)— Can T have ten cents, sir, to get a couple of packets of stogies? Manager—What are they for? ma ¢ Milhonaires’ Club in the third act.—Pass- Send It Care of Pershing—We see that Berlin triumphantly reports the capture of a number of American wagons, and if we'd known that would be so pleas- ing we would have sent over a cute little red express-wagon for the Crown Prince to take single-handed.—Grand Rapids Press. Unpreparedness—J udge—You struck the first blow. Then you were to blame. Schmidt—No, judge. He was, for looking so unready.—Boston Globe. Speeding Him Up—Hokus—The doc- tor told Guzzler he should take a drink of whisky only before each meal. Pokus—What is the result? Hokus—He is now eating eight meals a day.—Town Topics Different Now — Doctor — What? Troubled with sleeplessness? Eat some- thing before going to bed. Patient—Why, doctor, you once told me never to eat anything before going to bed. Doctor (with dignity)—Pooh, pooh! That was last January nce has made enormous strides since then.—Christian Register. Active Movement in Tarts—Young ‘Tommy returned from school in tears and nursing a black eye. “T'll pay Billy Dobbs off for this in the morning!” he wailed to his mother. “No, no,” she said. ‘You must re- turn good for evil. I'll make you a nice jam tart, and you must take it to Billy and say: ‘Mother si I must return good for evil, so here’s a tart for you.’ ” Tommy demurred, but finally con- sented. The next evening he returned in a worse plight and sobbed: “TI gave Billy the tart and told him what you said, and then he blacked my other eye, and says you're to send him another tart to-morrow.” —Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegra ph. The Russian Resurrection Keizer Wilhelm—Nu begins die beer waarachtig weer te leven; ik dackt nog wel dat wij het vel 200 mooi gestroopt hadden! Kaiser—Hang it all! I believe the thing is actually alive, after all!—De Amsterdammer (Amsterdam). comicbooks.com { s j | |