Judge — July 20, 1918 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

r OO A Digest of the Worldir Hutor The Wittiest Thoughts from the Prightest Minds “Ah! cous avez eu une fameuse idée a (Académie de Medécine de déclarer que les talons hauts étaient trés dangereux.” “Votre femme y a renonce?”™ “Pas du tout! mais elle re fait plus un pas sans prendre un taxi!” “That was a great idea of yours to state at the Academy of Medicine that high heels are a menace to health “And has your wife given them up?” iven up walking and uses —Le Péle-Méle (Paris). A Long Wait—The self-made man stalked into the office of a great financier with whom he had an appointment. “You probably don’t remember me,” he began, “but twenty years ago, when I was a poor messenger boy, you gave me a message to carry —— “Yes, yes!” cried the financier. “Where's the answer?”—New York Globe. Building an Alibi—Brown—Listen! I want you to try and smooth over a little matrimonial difficulty that I have had with my wife! Jones—Always at your service, old top. Just what do you wish me to do? Brown—Why, I want you to swear that you were playing golf with me all yesterday afternoon—it was then that I choked her to death!—Town Topics. ~ Fairy Tale - Now it came to pass in the latter days that William the Butcher made war upon civilization Then Woodrow, ruler of Columbia, called his exchequer, named Congre unto him: “Behold, war is to it that I have the sinews. sequins as plentiful as the sands of the sea.” Then Congress looked abroad upon the land and saw a beautiful grove of palms, and the owner was called In dustry. Then Congress said: “He is where I get the sequins,” and he laid upon Industry a tax equal to almost half the product of the grove. Then Industry bowed his face to the ground and said: “Allah be with thee. If Columbia needs it, take all. Yet per- adventure the need may be supplied without my ruin. As the fruit ripens I will take it to the market and offer it to those who buy. Do thou be there and exact. a moity from each purchaser, which none will feel, and the aggregate will be more than is demanded of me.” But Congress said: “Not so. There isa quicker way.” Then he hewed down all the trees, and plucked therefrom so many of the dates as he thought were necessary, and more for good measure. Then said the wise man of the village, called Economist: “How long, think ye, this war will last?” “T know not,” answered Congress, “but peradventure it may take years. “And will you come for more sequins?” ‘Yea, twice every year,” replied Congress. “Thou has cut down the trees,” answered Economist, “how then canst gather more fruit?” “Besmillah take me,” yelled Congress, “T never thought of that.”—Wall Street Journal. Ny Unessential—“The government ought to get after those peace pre- dictors and tax them.” “Under what head?” “Excess prophets.” —Cleveland Leader. Making Sure les, that the The squire drinking-water isn't very pure just now. I hope you are taking precautions. 1 sent word, ¢ Giles—Yes, zur—oh, yes, zur; the old wumman, she biles it, and then she filters it, as you said we must The squire—Excellent! Giles—Yes, zur—and then we drinks beer! Passing Show (London). | KISSES | *Sno-use—The man who tries to keep a stiff upper lip feels resolution failing when he meets a kissable girl.—Roller Monthly. Doing Their Bit—Dick—What are you laughing at? Mary—Your whiskers. Dick—Is there anything humorous in their appearance? Mary—No; but somehow they tickle me.—Tit-Bits (London). A Strategist.—" Oh, Jack, what shall I do?” “Why, what’s up?” “Miss Tellem saw you kiss me.” “Never mind, dear. I'll fix Miss Tellem.” “Oh, how can you?” “Tl kiss her and let you see us.”— Boston Transcript. comicbooks.com