Judge — July 20, 1918 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

they get along fairly well. And by the end of a week they feel certain that they have completed the first couse in the study of becoming hard- DOH "he most strategical way to han- dle a mule is with a pitchfork. At that the soldier is constantly in a position to tear a jagged hole in the roof. There is only one anal that puts stable duty in a pleasant light. It looks good when the private home on pass and his girl says she is mighty glad that he is doing his part in making the world safe for Then he is proud di s ation that the t could have been more effectively <ar- ried out had it been left entirely up to the mules. Reverse F Woman is not bh and every person Man is Thermometers By Roy K. Movttox HERMOM S have ed more suffering and unhappiness in hot weather than the heat itself. Not one man in five goes and rubbers at a thermometer every twenty minutes and believes in it, but it has its psycho- logical effect upon him just the same. He will look at the thermometer and then he will turn away disgusted and mutter: “I know it is a blamed sight hotter than that.” . “It is 08,” says the thermometer. Says the man: “It is 115 and I know it.” Noise: Drawn by M. A. Gerstin by Walt But a few moments afterward he is back staring at the thermometer. An_ interesting experiment in thermometers may be had in a drug-store where there are 40 or 50 of them arranged on a board for advertising purposes; thermometers that are for sale. Says the druggist: “These ther- mometers are the best money can buy. They are absolutely cor- rect.”” You look at the board more closely and you will find that the first thermometer registers 86, and the next one 93, the next one So. Possibly the fourth registers 78 and there may be two or three in the bunch that will register above the hundred mark. It is a safe bet that no two of them will register quite the LIsH ON A Ciinese PROVERB same. You naturally buy the ther- mometer that registers lowest. If you are going to order your life by py until he pleases hims a thermometer all summer, you want one that will keep you as cool as possible. You don’t expect to believe in it very much when you buy it, but a thermometer kas come to be a necessity in the home like a jar of goldfish or a patent mop wringer that won't work, One of the best things to do with a thermometer in hot weather is to hit it in the face with a brick, not peevishly, but firmly, or else hang it down in the well or in the cellar where it will keep nice and cool. Or hang it in the ice box and go and look at it once in a while. Mason “Uncle? Walt’s Exclusive Weekly Message to Judge DO not line up with the boys who make a loud and con- stant noise, and so, as through this world I pass, I do not seem to put up grass. I buy myself some bonds and stamps, to help our boys in foreign camps, and I have pawned my old bay hoss, that I with cash might come across. It isn’t much that I can cut no swath; I'm always gurgling in the broth. Once, urged by wife and aunt and niece, I ran for justice of the peace. My friends and neighbors all blew in, and said I surely ought to win, I ought to get there with both feet, for I was truly good as wheat. Alas, I couldn’t go around, and boost myself and paw the ground, and bind do; I have no big fat roll in view, but while my coin will help our lads, | gladly bring along the scad: But in one thing I always fai before the courthouse or the jail, I ought to stand and cuss the Hun, and tell of big things I have done. Instead of that I go m nd not a word have I to say; and while my humble path I keep, the noisy boys all glory reap. They are the patriots, you bet! Their tireless lungs are dripping sweat ’s what they have such organs they feel that words will win the war. In times of peace it was the same; I always lost in every game, because one thing I couldn’t do—I couldn't blow my own bazoo. Now, when it comes to sterling worth, I am a credit to this earth. Yes, blushing, I can write it down, but can’t proclaim it through the town. Because I'm shy I Drawn by E. Frourt “He Butronuoteb Tue Sons or Men, ano Tarkeo Tuer Wuiskers Orr Acaty.” the voters with a spell; I never could do such things well. I said, “The voters doubtless know that I'm as good as people grow; they know how earn- estly I work, that I’m an elder in the kirk, they know I pay my Lills at sight, and never paint the town by night. And, knowing this, for me the vote, and get the loathsome foeman’s goat.”” But Jinks, the other candidate, was talking early, talking late. He button- holed the sons of men, and talked their whiskers off again. And Jinks won out in many styles; he had me distanced forty miles. And Jinks, the victor, was a gent in whom no virtues fine were blent, but he possessed the gift of tongues, and he had forty-horse- power lungs. In this bleak world the modest man is evermore an also ran. comicbooks.com