Judge — July 13, 1918 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ny- ome + gO and nt.” lays 1s a var ind, the ne,” ap- sir,” mis- was you was ane ut,” lied. July 13, 1918 Does She Cali You “John”? By A.B De and psychologists have Bootn done a lot of research work on phobias and such, but there is one disease for which no one has done a thing—incipient matrimony. They have not only failed to isolate the germ, al- though everyone knows it is contagious, but they have even failed to list the symptoms. The main symptom is ab- solutely certain—inability to pronounce the name of the beloved. It is a peculiar selective paralysis of the vocal cords. Patients can pronounce ordinary words with perfect But when it comes to saying John or Mary, there is a complete to_ function. Now there’s They are in love. success, plain lure Eleanor and Hubert. And they can’t seem to call each other anything but Dee-dee and Nee-nee. Hubert is Nee-nee, and Eleanor is Dee-dee. In all other respects they seem perfectly rational. There’s William Jones. ars of married life his wife is still in After fifteen y love with him; she never calls him any- thing but Buz. She knows it is not suitable, that she should have stopped it long ago, but somehow she cannot change. Some people get out of the difficulty by calling each other Dear. They use it back and forth, in the house and out. In speaking to mere acquaintances they say, “Well, Dear doesn’t think so, so I will not be able to join.” And unless you are up on abnormal mental con- ditions, you probably think they are talking of the dog. Parents and guardians should give careful note to this distinctive symptom. tf young folks are suspected of impending matrimony, they should be tested. If they call each other by their real names, they're all right. If they use substitutes, they've got it. Allaying His Fears The Abhighest —What is this I about my seamen protesting against a duty The minister of marine by the Entente, your m: sea duty so well that remain underseas peri hear under- -A calumny circulated iesty. They like under- large numbers of them anently HOTEL SAN REMO Central Park West, 74th and 75th Streets NEW YORK Rooms and Bath- $2.50 Parlor, bedroom and bath— perciey 033 SPECIAL WEEKLY RATE: Please Write for Illustrated Books Ownership Manage DMUND M. BR WRITE THE Wores, FORA SONG We wnte music in securing publisher's ac- ceptance. poems on war. love or any subject. CHESTER MUSIC COMPANY 528 South Dearborn St., Suite 253, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS, Overtookit pecially attr: Appea EGYPTIAN DEITIES “The Utmost in Tlan End. Tp Rople of culture and refinement invariably PREFER_ Deities to any other cigarette. 25° Ong: 24: Ui of Mators of the and Eqyptan Coparetics onthe Berkd E mee d Eagaige DeTIES) ; L73No 3 | Subtaniny Ty fac eee Fy That Friendly Policy By Liste Bewt E have life insurance, fire insurance, accident insurance, burglary in- surance, health insurance, plate-glass insurance, and a dozen other brand What we need next is friend insurance. The term requires explanation. Do not, please, understand it to mean in- surance for your friends. It’s not that, any more than burglary insurance is insurance for your burglars. You are the one that is insured. You recall the old adage: Heaven protect us from our friends; we can deal with our enemies ourselves. (I do not know why it is an old adage, but you never hear of an adage that isn’t “old.” When you stop to think how many adages there are, and that they are all old, it’s really surprising so few of them die. Possibly, since they acquire reputa- tion by repetition, they do not have much standing until they get well along in years.) But that’s not what I set out to talk about. Heaven protect us from our friends. The point is, why leave it to heaven? Why not protect ourselves, as we do in the case of accident, fire and theft? In other words, why not protect ourselves from our friends as we do from our other enemies? The idea is certainly feasible. Poli could be written to meet varying needs. The owner of books could get insurance against his friends who borrow but never bring back. At the expiration of a reason- able period of time, say ten years, he could, upon presentation of sufficient | evidence to prove the volume large, collect the face of the policy. The maker of appointments could get insurance against his friends who fail to keep their engagements. If you had ar- ranged to meet a friend in the lobby of a theater at eight o'clock, and he failed to show up, and you missed an act and a half, as well as having to pay for his seat, you could salve your injured feelings with the insurance money. The man who takes tips in Wall Street, and loses money, could get insured against the friends who give him the tips. You see, the applications are end- less. Someone ought to organize a company, and sell friend insurance. I’d be very glad to take out a policy myself, as a special inducement. Somewhere in Germany By Cypr Broapwett “Somewhere in France Just now—but wait and see \ few more months from now “twill be: here in Germany!” “ Somew “Somewhere in France” Our boys face Huns with glee, Content if by their deaths we'll reach “ Somewhere in Germany!” “Somewhere in France,” The land of liberty, A battle’s on that soon will end “Somewhere in Germany!” “Somewhere in France" The Stars and Stripes wave free; God grant our flag will lead the van jomewhere in Germany!” comicbooks.com ! ; |