Judge — July 13, 1918 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Some Things Must Not Be Risked “Emmener mon chien en coucou?—penses= tu! J'Taime trop pour lui faire risquer des idents!"" “What, take my dog up with me? The idea! Suppose the boches got us!"—La Baionnette (Paris). | CULLUD UNS | Provision Made—" And then,” shout- ed the colored exhorter at the top of his voice, “then there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth! “How about me?” murmured audibly an old mammy in the front row. “Ah ain’t got no teeth,” The evang aansfixed her with a stony glare Woman,” he said, “wo- man, teeth will be provided.""—-IWall Street Journal Up to Him—Two negroes were dis- cussing the possibilities of being drafted. “*Tain’t gwine do 'em any good to pick id Lemuel sulkily. “Ah cer- in’t gwine do any fightin’. Ah lost nothin’ oveh in France. Ah ain’t got any quarrel with a-n-y-bov and Uncle Sam kain’t make me fight. Jim pondered over this statement for a moment. “You' right,” he said at length. “Uncle Sam kain’t make you fight. But he can take you where de fightin’ is, and after that you kin use you" own judgment.’—Eterybody's Magazine. | SLACKERS | Unfair Advantage—“ There are de- grees of slackerism,” said the petulant host. “To be sure.” “My idea of a thirty-third degree slacker is the fellow who gets me inter- ested in what he’s saying at the dinner table and helps himself to four lumps of my sugar.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. Nothing but Patriotic Yarns— “Have you any pink knitting yarn?” “No, ma'am. Slackers’ department is in the basement.””—Detroit Free Press. Greatly Wrought-up—“Was Pro- fessor Diggs very angry when that imper- tinent stranger accused him of being a a pacifist.”” Undoubtedly. Why, Professor Diggs threatened to knock the fellow’s ‘block off,’ and I’m sure he had never used such an uncouth expression before in his life.”” Birmingham Age-Herald. As It Was in the Beginning Violet-—Look! an a Mabel—Where, wher plane, Mabel. I can see the airman Oh! do tell me if my hat’s on straight!—London Opinion IRISHISMS Rapid Calculation—*How many people are there here, Pat?” queried the Englishman of an Irishman in Montreal. “Oh, about a hundred Uousand.” “Why, I thought there were over half a million.” “Well,” count the aid Pat, “there is—if yez “rinch."—New York Globe. The Ham Hero's Reward ETN: Sie Wisse In Reseava—Y eso que no he Uegado a picar! Tenth class torreador—Gosh! real food at last!—Blanco y Negro (Madrid) Slide, "Melly, Slide—An officer on board a warship was drilling his men “T want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air, and move them as if he were riding a bicycle,” he explained. “Now commence.” After a short effort, one of the men stopped. “Why have you stopped, Murphy?” asked the officer. “If ye plaze, “Oi'm coasting.” Telegraph. sir.” was the answer, Pittsburgh Chronicle. A Fifty-fifty Irishman—In his book, “From Gallipoli to Bagdad,” ‘ Padre” William Ewing tells the story of a burly Irishman brought into the ticld-hospital suffering from many wounds “What are you, my man?” asked the doctor. “Sure, I'm half an Irishman.” “And what's the other half?” “Holes and bandages.” — Pittsburgh Chronice-Telegraph. comicbooks.com