Judge — July 13, 1918 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

2 LY 7x MATRIMONY He Agreed one head to any family orator. “That's true,” ried-looking man in the audience. “ You agree with me?” shouted the speaker. “T do,” replied the married-looking man. “[ve just paid for hats for nine daugh ters.” —People’s Home Journal. “There ought to be only houted the replied a mar- Any Bachelor—Little Mildred —What does “B. A.” stand for, mama? Mama—* Bachelor of Arts,” my dear Little M ildred—And what is a “ Bache- lor of Arts,” mama? Mama—Any bachelor who is trying to stay in the bachelor class, darling.— Indianapolis Star. A Needed Tonic ly wife looks poor nu think, doctor? “Yes, I do.” “What do you think she needs?” “A new hat and a new Yonkers Statesman. dress.""— Attractive—“I suppose she married that rich man for his money.” “Oh, I don’t know. Outside of romances some rich men can be quite the poor ones."”—Baltimore American. The Truth at Last—* My dear, you know there is nothing I hate more than a domestic scene.” “Well, then, John Henry Dubwaite, why do you conduct yourself in a way that forces me to create a domestic scene?”” “What have I done?” “Nothing. That's just it. You've said, “Yes, my dear’ to me so many times I'm sick and tired of hearing it. Why don’t you lose your God temper occasionally? ENS aE A Diseut ot the Worldir Humor The Wittiest Though ts from the Prightest Minds NS The Social Barrier Que monsicur se dépéche! Tout briile! n'y a plus que Cescalier de service de libre sser par Cescalier de service! Moi! jama “Pardon me, sir, but you'll have to hurry! The whole building is afire! ‘The only way by the servants’ stairway go down the servants’ ver!" —Le Péle-Méle (Paris) stairway! Throw things around, slam the door, kick the cat! threaten to choke me! For once in your life do something to convince me that I’m married to a red- blooded man and not a spineless jelly- fish!” —Bimingham Age-Herald. As Interpreted by the Pro-German Press Els nous lemes de la santa tradicio According to the Sacred Tradition of the Hun Country King —Campana de Gracia (Barcelona) Re “aN iP SURPRISES f sas on REE a t ] “Charlot’’ A New Actor—After the men had been in training for a week or more, a French Red Cross outfit stopped at one of the villages with a traveling movie outfit and announced that they would show a picture that night. Ac- cording to the announcement fhe picture was “Charlot en ‘Le Vagabond’.” It sounded foreign and forbidding. The “dough boys” anticipated trouble with the titles and all the various printed words which go to make a moving picture in- telligible. Still they were patient. The first scene was a road winding up to a distant hill, and down the highway with eccentric gait there walked a little man strangely reminiscent. He drew nearer and nearer and as the figure came into full view the soldier in front of me could stand the strain no longer. He jumped to his feet “I'm a son of a gun,” he shouted, “if it isn’t Charlie Chaplin.” Recognition upon the part of the audience was instantancous and enthu- siasm unbounded. —A merican Expedition- ary Force Journal. Reminded Him of Home—The burglar had entered the house as quietly as possible, but his shoes were not padded and they made some noise. He had just reached the door of the bedroom when he heard some one moving in the bed, as if about to get up, and he paused. The sound of a wo- man’s voice floated tohis ears. “If you don’t take off your boots when you come into _ this house,’’ it said, “there's going to be trouble, and a_ lot of it. Here it’s been raining for three hours, and you dare to tramp over my carpets with your muddy boots on. Go comicbooks.com ' (