Judge — July 6, 1918 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

cet to oth vers ey a7 July 6, 1918 Going to the Dentist By Hasurton Cratcte O you ever make up your mind, D firmly, but not fussily, that you are going to the dentist without further delay? Of course you do, and during the beginning of your journey you fortify yourself with an encouraging men- tal picture somewhat after this fashion: In your mind’s eye you see yourself pale but resolved, stepping briskly and tonfidently in the direction of the dental offices. You enter with a studiously care- less air—you are on time. At the invita- tion of the Knight of the Forceps you seat yourself in the chair with a becoming blend of insouciance and calm confidence. “Open w-i-i-de,” purrs the dentist. The forceps arcinsinuated into your oral cavity there is a momentary twinge and—your tooth, whether molar, incisor, or bicuspid, is out—gone—departed—just like that! But, as all other roseate dreams, this one is soon dissipated, especially if, as is too often the case, your throbbing tooth has eased its aching insistence in inverse ratio to your approach chairwards. You glance nervously at your watch; you note, with a sudden, swift, spiritual depression, the nearness of your destination, and though you be the wearer of a Croix de Guerre for bravery, you are perilously close to the shameful condition known as blue funk. As you proceed with increasing slow- ness along the avenue, by no stretch of the imagination can you conceive of that tooth of yours as anything but an eter- nally integral part of your superior maxil- lary. Something tells you that you will never be separated in this life, and though you have a constitutional aversion for gas, you are almost decided to accept its administration At length, finally, at long last, but in- deed, in a flash, in a breath, instantane- ously almost, you arrive at the Door of Dread. Certainly not of your own volition do you turn the knob and enter upon a sol- emn assemblage disposed in various atti- tudes of gloom, some of whom are pre- tending to read certain magazines of HOTEL Marie Antoinette 66th St. & Broadway, New York A House of Most Refined Atmosphere. Noted for Its Cuisine. European Plan, H. Stanley Green, Managing Director Ee L- CHINA CEMENT STANDS HOT AND COLD WATER ancient date. It is significant that not a | few of these periodicals, although dating | back to the Spanish War, are as yet inno- | cent of the paper-cutter. Somehow, as you deposit yourself nervously upon the edge of a chair, you reflect that somewhere, at this very mo- ment, people are riding and waiking, and reading and talking—and you—you are beyond the pale—you have shut the door, literally as well as figuratively. For a moment a craven impulse almost masters you. You wish you had the bravery of the cowardice which prompts you to* depart incontinently away from there, but even as your emotions are crystallizing in this direction, that other door swings wide, and in the aperture ap- pears the dentist, calm, smiling. He blinks a little, as, with nearsighted gaze | he scans the crowded apartment in quick review, until—ah! You breathe an in- voluntary sigh has passed over your shrinking gure and on to that of a fat man who is deep in the latest issue of Yawper’s, for June, 1898. But, like all else, this, too, has proven a false hope. Abruptly you hear your name spoken: “Mr. Brown, please.” | The dentist is not personally known to you, and for a moment a pusillanimous impulse prompts you to remain where you are, tacitly to deny your identity, but you are in the grip of something stronger than fear. You rise automatically, and someone else’s legs carry you to the chair. Suddenly, as you seat yourself, feel the merciless hardness of the back-rest against your head, some final flutter of your rebel- lious flesh pulls you bolt-upright in your chair, only to subside with an inward | groan as your startled gaze envisages the formidable array of instruments within an inch of your nose. A myriad thoughts, a dozen excuses flash through your head, in a futile sug- gestion of possible reprieve. But your doom is upon you, and with a muttered aspiration you grip tightly the arms of the chair, close your eyes, and open them again just in time to behold the murderous forceps about to enter your mouth. “Open w-i-i-de!”’ cooes the dentist, and beneath the silken tone you detect the fell intention. There is a pause, in which you somehow obtain an accession of courage, a quick tug, perhaps a brief, sharp explosion of acute discomfort—and your tooth is out, even as you had dreamed it would be. As you depart through the outer office you cannot refrain from bestowing a su- perior smile of jovelike tolerance upon the | miserable wretches who remain to suffer | before the event. Refused Noah—Why docs Methuselah wear that perpetual grin? Lamech—He was refused insurance by the Adamite Mutual nine hundred and thirty years ago. Just to Show The Proper Glow RA, ‘Srouce> Swoertine Rerfomed laviseble Makes deity pink cheeks pad: FF. Incram @ Use Cena Ingrams Rouge Just a light touch and you havea delicate, charming glow. Cannot be distinguished from natural color. Safe for the most delicate skins. Daintily perfumed. Sobd cake mo porcelain plate. “Three perfect shades. Ingram’s Milkweed Cream A cream that is good for your skin. Soothes irritations, overcomes blemishes, softens, cleanses, ard has a distinctive remedual elect upon the skin it keepe the compleaion healthy. 30c- and $1 sass “There Is Beauty in Every Jar. Send una dine for ur Guest Room Pack: age cont ram's Face Po Soom Sori pene eae tend Minwol Cok Zodenta Footh Powder, and. Ingrams Perlume in Guest Room sizes. (om Frederick F. Ingram Co. sat feah 1885, Sixes and Sevens By Avuret E. Hoyt Chairman H of the Republican National Committee says he feels free to make “sympathetic suggestions,” and we'll say this for the President—he isn’t the man to take advantage of Mr. Hays by adopting them. cl Our government since it entered the war has done a lot, considering—and a lot of considering. Governor Whitman of New York wants a third term to prepare for the presidency, but perhaps he'd take it without. * r since Lot’s wife turned into a pillar of salt, any undue craving for salt subjects the married man to suspicion. 2 War Industries Director Bernard Baruch has declared the newspapers to be a war necessity. The editor will pardon the strange use of the plural, which is probably a misprint. 2 The New York Herald says that ‘the plethora of silver dollars in the treasury will be at once melted into bullion.” We have a set of bills payable which Uncle Sam might use—they are great little plethora melters. @ In appointing a United States Senator who answers to the name of Xenophon, Governor Gardner of Missouri can’t be accused of fishing for the old grad vote. comicbooks.com