Judge — June 15, 1918 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

made us all mad with you was your insisting that the world was round. Why, common-sense Cotumsus: Round? Sure it’s round. And here's this island to prove it. This is a piece of the other side, as any fool— Pr Oh, be reasonable. Your cold makes you peevish. Why, just for the sake of the argument, | might say that this is a bit of the rough edge of the world sticking up. We are right at the jumping-off place, seems to me. Let’s wait till we have taken a glance over the side. Come on now and get some pork and biscuits. Never mind whether the world’s round or square—what you need is a square meal. You know I’m your friend Why, I've always said you were not half so daft as folks believed! Then we'll go ashore in the jolly-boat and find out just what we have discovered! CotumBus: (to himself) What ce have discovered! Isn’t that going some? But it’s no more than I ex- pected. It’s ten thousand ducats to a sour lemon that somebody else will get all the credit of this voyage. I bet they'll be calling this island “ Pinzonia.”” 1 wonder ms queer! Ah- choo— I wish I were back in if the world ts round? Se \h-ker-choo! Darn this cold! Palos! “WE'LL GO ASHORE IN THE Jo BOAT AND FIND OUT WHAT We HAVE DISCOVERED” Topical Tinctures By Benjamix De Casseres Trunks a RUNKS.” said the baggage-philosopher, “are just like human beings—there are light-weights, heavyweights, deadweights and empties. “And, just as with men, you can do anything you want with them if you know where to grab them. “Trunks, too, have minds like human_ beings Some gap at you with open mouths, showing all their contents; others are strapped tight, and you'd never guess their contents in a thousand years; others slide around noiselessly on little wheels and always seem brand new and spick-and-span. “There is a mournful-look- ing, ascetic trunk. Look at its label—Mecca. There's a gay old dog of a trunk, with labels from Monte Carlo to Forty-second Street. And, over there, look at that beauty—got the whole of Millinery Row from the Rue de la Paix inside, I reckon. “And that one there in the corner,” concluded the baggageman, “is a Prussian trunk—brassed all over, locks like the faces of bulldogs- and a dead body inside, two to one on it!” Some Colonizer ‘T was an unusually warm day in Hades, as the Fuel Administrator had just re- turned with a new load of sample pea-coal that he had confiscated on Jupiter. The Public Library, though, had its usual quota of students. by J. R. Sntaver “Does your Boss Sure he does. ve ye mps Tgener'ly use it to buy War Savings Satan, with his feet cocked up on the meat refrigera- tor, which he had lugged from his mansion, was reading a book, emitting a merry ha-ha! every once in a while Pluto was huddled up in a corner next to the ice- radiator, and Lady Fury, cataloging books from the Kaiser’s library, brought to Hades by General Von Bissing, was sitting on a bit of ice-berg that an Eskimo had smuggled in. “What's the merry ha-ha! Satan? slyly nipping off a bit of the berg. “This book,” replied Satan, with a merry twinkle. “Tt is called ‘How I Lost My American Colonies,’ by a William Hohenzollern. Here, Fury, label it ‘rare’ and put it in the ‘comic on growled Pluto, Wanted—Magicians TEVER was there a time in the history of the world when the race needed the services of those two megicians—the poet and the humorist—more than in this tragic hour of its destiny The poet to sing his songs of high courage; to chant his mystical vision of a new, re- generate humanity; to sift in the pan of his metaphors the gold out of the mud of reality. The humorist to keep our balances; to keep our hearts bedewed with smiles; to split the black curtain of smoke with visions of the “funny side. Imagination and laughter are the staff of life in these vs. Where are our Mark wains and our Victor Hugos and Walt Whitmans? yer carfare?”