Judge — June 1, 1918 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ne 1, 1918 The Notion Counter By Dovetas Mattocn HAT your wife thinks you want to know when she writes isn’t that she loves you but how much a yard she paid for the cretonne. “| want the bride in the diner to know that when I stare at her it is because it carries me back twenty years. I have made only casual observation, but am inclined to believe that the smok- ing room talker blooms in greatest lux- uniance in the South. No man ever loves a girl in spite of her imperfections, because if he realizes her imperfections then he doesn’t love her. When a man is called on the carpet it isa safe guess that he is going to be asked to beat it. They talk about the doctors, but it is a poor jeweler who can’t find something the matter with a watch. When you are crossing the plains of Nebraska, you become convinced that this country could have been made half } the size. A house with a husband and three children is about as easy to keep clean as awhite mule. j Ivis all right if a girl loses her heart if she doesn’t also lose her head. It is too bad that somebody doesn’t invent a machine to utilize the energy that slams doors. Whoever said “Oh, ye of little faith” didn’t know how much oil stock is sold in this country. Earliest Effort Adam was condemned to the sweat of his brow. “And that figleaf is the best sweater Eve can make,” he sneered. Art Is Long “You have to start early to be a great pian- “T imagine so. It must take years to grow all that hair.” Helping Him Some She—What did your rich uncle say when you + asked him to help you make a name? He—Gave me a copy of the city directory. No Trick at All Jones—Can you manage to meet your ex- Penses? Jorkins—Meet them? Jerusalem, man, I ‘ay from them! Matrimonial Your daughter married a man that didn’t she? Drown—Ves, but he didn’t know then he was. Precocious Sagacity Teacher—Why, Tommy, you've got every- thing on this map in the wrong place. Tommy—I did this to fool the enemy. BER RRR 888 ee _D Supplied by U.S. Govi.. toAcmy and Navy S site Was RAZOR Military N27 Khaki Service Outfit “Over there” in the trenches and training grounds —“Over here’’ in the big camps—everywhere—most of our boysareshaving with the GEM_N ew Khaki Service Outfit. Strong enough to stand the hardest service, but marvelously light, neat, compact—fits in any- where—makes shaving easier, quicker, more comfortable. Note—The indispensable stropping handle is included in every set—keeps blades smooth, sharp—doubles their life—saves expense of new blades. Blades in sealed waxed paper wrapped package, repelling any attack of rust or dust—no conditions of heat, cold or dampness affect them. $7 00 Som Mise $735 Complete == azor complete = f . Compact th. with sever Gem amaskeene D yithout Blades and Strop- yuithy, mirror — ping Handle. mirror (Add $0¢ for Canada) Ask for the GEM at your dealer, or the Post Exchange, Camp Canteens, or Quarter- master’s Depot. Gem Cutlery Company, Inc. New York Canadian Branch, 591 St. Catherine St., W., Montreal