Judge — June 1, 1918 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tont aud De teezes Military and Naval Jupce pays $1 each for original jokes sent by soldiers and sailors and accepted for publication, and each week $5 is awarded for the best original joke received Abe's Challenge By Private Rep Rennie, Battery C, 58th Artillery A&E: who was new to the army, was placed on guard. During the day all had gone smoothly, and he was gaining in self-assurance, Before he went out with his relief at 9 p. m., the Corporal asked him if he knew his General Orders and how to challenge anyone at night. “Sure,” said ; “I'll tell him in a high-pitched voice, that he should stop.” “That’s it. ‘Halt! Who is there?’ But suppose he doesn’t stop?” “Vell, I'll tell him vonce, then I tell him again, then I’ll s‘.oot him in th’ head.” “Fine,” grinned the Corporal. ‘“ Look out for the Officer of the Day when he makes his tour of inspection. Halt him sharply. If you don’t—wow! Pull in your neck!” “Ha, Ha! Don’t vorry: Abe had been walking his post for a little more than an hour. The night was clear, and there was a moon. He was getting lonesome, and was just a bit nervous. The trees and shadows made figures that moved with the leaves, and did not answer when challenged. It was disconcerting. A step sounded, and a form came out of the shade along the path. Abe stood with open mouth. The form came into the light of the moon, and Abe recognized the Officer of the Day. He heaved a great breath of relief and said: “Oh, it’s you, isit? By golly, you scared me some- think awful.” An Important Post By First Sergeant Avraxo EB. McKexser, Co. B, 56th Infantry First private—I had a pretty important post when I was on guard last night. Second private—How was that? First private—I was guarding the guns so they wouldn’t go off. Softy By Private Was. J. Ricn, Bat. D, 103d Field Artillery Question—Why meringue pie? Answer—Because he's yellow all the way through and hasn’t crust enough to go Over the Top. a slacker like a lemon Drawn by Doc RANKIN, Sanitary Dept., 23rd Infantry A “Scrub” Marine This Week's $5 Prize Winner By Nowaas Bacpenett, Junior Wireless Opera- U.S. Transport “Craster Hall” TM0 sailors aboard a tramp steamer had succeeded in putting a cargo bug inthe captain's binoculars, That afternoon as he was scanning the horizon he suddenly exclaimed: “Lifeboat on our port side rowing like mad, with eight oars! Launch the dory immediately and to the rescue!” The order was carried out, and all speed was made toward the lifeboat, Of course when an observation was made at the po where the small craft was supposed to be, nothing was to be seen. “Torpedoed!” muttered the skipper. Drown by J. A. P. Woxnex ‘on, O No Reason for Alarm Q. Fort McPher The Millennium By Prirate M. V. Suto, 30jth Infantry Medical Corps ‘THE 2,000 negroes who reached Camp Devens recently have furnished much humor. On one occasion a com- pany was lined up to receive clothes allow- ances. A large, shiftless African took his uniform with some misgiving. He stared at the supply sergeant and asked: “Say, man, do we get these yere clo’z fer nothin’?” “Yep. Hurry! pass along.” “An’ say, man, do we get three meals a day fer nothin’? persisted the recruit. Pass along, now.” get thirty dollahs a ” incredulously. “Yes, sure. Why?” The sergeant was aggravated. The negro shook his head, his ey bulged; then he exploded with a sig! “Gosh A’mighty. Why ain’t dis Kayzer start dis war er long time ago?” Not a Chance By Major C. W. Ressrat, Rick Field, Waco, Texas Mike and Pat belonged to an Irish regiment and were inseparable until Mike got a commission. Mike puffed up over the idea and entirely ig nored his former companion. Pat's Irish finally got the best of him and ap- proaching the new lieutenant with his most military salute, he said, ‘‘Lootinant, phwat would happen if a private should call the lootinant a lobster to the lootin- ant’s face?” Mike replied that a court-martial would most likely happen. “And phwat would happen if the pri- vate only thought that uf the lootin- ant?” Mike didn’t see that anything could be done in that case. “Well,” said Pat, “Oi'll let it go at that.” Conservation By Prisate Hanny Wrcorr, 2tt Company, 153d Bri- gade Captain—My wife is helping to con- serve our food. Major—How so? Captain—She has succeeded in hiring a copless cook. yard she “ T wan that wh carries n I hav but am | ing roor unance i Nom imperfec imperfec her. When isa safe to beat i They a poor j the matt When Nebrask | this cou the size. A ho children f awhiter It is a she does: It is invent that slar Whoe didn’t k in this cc Adam brow. “And | can make “You | “Tima all that h She—W asked hirr He-G: Jones— penses? Jorkins can’t run Brown- was well « Drown- Teacher thing on 1 Tommy