Judge — June 1, 1918 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

When the Paper Gave Out Le Gangox (trés poli)—Que, monsieur, fase excuse, mais nous manquons de papier por: faire Vaddition. Waiter (politely) —Pardon me, sir, but T haven't any paper to add up your check.— Le Péle Mile (Paris) | SOLDIERS | War Ruining the Army —Sergeant (one of the old school)—It’s the war that’s ruining the army, sir—us having to enlist all these ere civilians.—London Opinion. Learned at Home—Marie—That young American soldier yonder—isn’t he adear? He speaks French, I und Vivette—Yes, I know him. I could speak French I understand.— Florida Times-Union. The Old Home Place—‘Do you think Josh will be glad to get back to the old place?” asked Mrs. Corntassel. “T'm sure he will,” replied her husband. “What I’ve read about ‘no man’s land’ makes me think a sight of plain, peace- able, ploughed ground ought to be right satisfactory and soothin’.”—IWashington Star. Bird of a Boche—It was a dull day in the trenches and a bunch of Tommies had gathered and the talk turned on a big boche who had been tured the night before. “He was scared stiff,” said one Tom- my. “Did he run?” asked another “Run!” replied the first one Why, if that boche had just one feather in his hand he'd ‘a’ flew.""—Scranton Times. Legal Verbiage—Previous to joining the army he had been a lawyer. Getting back to camp rather late one night he was challenged by the sentry. Obtaining no response, the latter lifted his rifle and roared: “Tf you move you are a dead man.” “Allow me to remark, my good man,” said the lawyer-soldier, “that your state- ment is absurd. If I move it is excellent proof that Iam alive. To my mind it is incomprehensible that—” “Pass, Mr. Blackstone,’ sentry.—Buffalo News. said the The Flag of ‘‘Freedom” This glorious flag in Kultur’s name Shall float upon the breeze; And thus to all the world proclaim The freedom of the “Seize”! --John Bull (London). Proof—Diner—Look here! Isn’t that a hair on the butter? Waiter—Yes, sir, a cow’s hair. We always serve one with the butter to show that it isn’t oleomargarine.—Tit-Bits. Strategically Weak—Is she able to keep a cook?” “Pecuniarily, yes. no.”’—Boston Transcript. Diplomatically, Irritating and Annoying * Bufa! El cor me diu que ja no anirem més endacant.” “Donnerwetter! Something tells me that we shan’t get much further.”"—Esquella Barcelona). Making the Baby Useful—“ Bridget’s had breakfast late every morning this week. Can’t you do something to get her up on time?” “Well, there’s the alarm clock.” “That doesn’t always go off. Lend her the baby.” —Boston Transcript. Cross-Questioned—“‘Did you ask the new cook why she left her last place?” “No,” responded young Mrs. Torkins. “T didn’t get a chance. She kept me too busy trying to explain why our last. cook didn’t stay.”— Washington Star. Only a Matter of Time—Mrs. Hiram Daly (reading)—It says that Nero had 200 cooks. Husband—That beats our record by 50 at least.—Detroit Free Press. May Be Bad Enough Then—Hobbs —I understand that you have hired our former cook. Dobbs—But don’t be alarmed. We in- tend to discount everything she tells us.— Boston Transcript. comicbooks.com XUM