Judge — May 18, 1918 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tent aud Deck Wheezes Military aud Naval Jupce pays $1 each for original jokes sent by soldiers and sailors and accepted for publication, and each week $5 is awarded for the best original joke received Satisfied By J.D. McMastea, U. BNeoot 'HE night is cold, the guns are hot, ‘And I am in the Army. But I am safe, hid in the ground, While out at sea good men are drowned, And nothing here to harm me, No, nothing here to harm me! ‘The wind blows strong, the sea runs quick, And Iam in the Navy; But I am warm and snug and dry, And yet men join the Army! Why? This is the life of gravy— This is the life of gravy! The Captain's Dog By Paware L.G. Davscunt, U.S. M.C., Quantico, Va A Captain was very fond of his two dogs and always permitted them to accompany him. One day while drilling his company he had just given the pre- liminary command, “Company!” when one of the dogs barked. The company halted. The Captain stared for a mo- ment, then realizing the reason turned to the dog, saying: “Who is running this company—you or me?” Hard Boiled Sergeant By Consonat 3. C. Sanvens, Battery C, 126th Field Artillery At a regular Saturday morning inspec- tion, a private was not wearing his belt. First sergeant—Have you a belt? Private—No, sir. First sergeant—Y ou report to the Quar- termaster Sergeant for a new one, and don’t forget to tell him to charge you for the one you lost. I'll stop this careless- ness! Private—All right, top, but I loaned you the belt about two months ago. Indeterminate Sentence By A.J. Hauueros, Clerical Co, No. 2, Camp Johns A gang of colored convicts was work- ing upon the county road just outside Camp Johnston, when a rookie, passing, called out to one of them: “ how'd yuh like to swap jobs?” Without hesitation Sam replied: “No, You-all don’ swap no jobs wif dis ah—Ah knows how long Ah’s in fo’.” This Week’s $5 Prize Winner By Patvate H. L. CLinxscaces, Sth Sertice Com- pany, Signal Corps, Camp McClellan, Anniston, Ala. They were drilling at the edge of some twoods. The Captain had given the command “Take distance!” When the company had assembled a certain Pricate toas missing. Nothing was heard of him for two weeks until the Captain received the following note: “Dear Captain: “You gave the command ‘Take distance and I hace not heard you say ‘Halt’ yet. “Yours truly, “Private Blank.” Lari, 1604 Aero Squadron, Memphis, Tenn, The Night Challenge By Couronat. P. R. Witsox, 27th Aero Squadron Rookie Italian guard—Halt! Who's there? Voice (about thirty paces away)—Offi- cer of the Post. Rookie guard—Advance! I can’t rec’- nize you! Officer advances six paces. Rookie guard—Halt! (one-half minute silence) Advance! I can’t see who you are yet! After a couple more halts, the oflicer finally arrives within six paces of the guard, who, holding his gun threaten- ingly, asks: “Well, who's da Bossa now?” Craps Not Allowed in the Army By Puuvate Gey M. Vixcesr, Co. B, 110th Field Signal Battalion First private (Saturday noon)—What yer goin’ to do this afternoon? Second private—Think I'll go down back of the stable and fire a few “gal- lopin’ dominoes. "” Jealousy By Pawar J. Gonyax Sraanrn, Battery B, 313th Id Artillery On the night ‘of the first big minstrel show in Richmond, a private entered one of the boxes with a magnificently be- jeweled and befurred young woman on either arm. Lord Chesterfield had noth- ing on him for chivalrous bearing and grandiloquent concern for the comfort of the ladies. They were conspicuously long in getting settled. Not being able to stand it any longer, or perhaps prompted by jealousy, a soldier in the balcony yelled down: “That’s all right, old top, you'll be washing dishes to- morrow!” Corrected By J.D. MeMastex, U. S; Naral Air Station, Miami, No, Oscar, O. D. means Officer of the Day, not “Old Dear.” What Did They Do To Him? ByW.A. McCawtuy, U.S.S. Arizona All ships have baseball teams. During the warm weather outside of routine aboard ship, baseball is the absorbing topic. We had just come into port and the regular team with the different division teams were waiting to go ashore for the national pastime. They were all on deck near the gangway when the ship's joker came running aft. “It’s all off, fello No more base- ball during the war!””. The boys turned around in amazement. At last someone said: “Why?” Holding up a newspaper the joker replied: “The Senate has passed Bill 270321, which says no more strikes will be called during the war.” The Captain’s yeoman reported one absentee next morning. Co the pov life, rea thir mo! sati full life’ life’ ces you of | asc life