Judge, 1918-05-18 · page 13 of 36
Judge — May 18, 1918 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Main Illustration**: A futuristic sketch showing a lighthouse or beacon on a rocky shore with a ship in stormy waters. The title references a "Guam Gazette of 2175," establishing a science-fiction premise. **Text Content**: A satirical story imagining that 22nd-century chemists have forgotten how to make alcohol, despite extensive 21st-century attempts. It humorously compares this failed quest to other historical obsessions (philosopher's stone, perpetual motion) as absurd pursuits that distracted many people. **Brief Jokes Below**: Several short humorous exchanges, including: - A quip about apartment burglary requiring "50-50" with the janitor (corruption) - A "pacifists" joke (meaning noisy people, playing on the word) - Wordplay about knitting and Shakespeare The page satirizes both futuristic speculation and contemporary vices, using alcohol-making as its vehicle for comedy about human folly.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Tue Guarpian ANGEL From the Guam Gazette of 2175 AVANTS began, in about 2050, to experiment with certain cereals with the object of finding the secret, buried with their ancestors, of making a delectable and exhilarating liquid known to our forefathers under the vari- ous names of beer, whiskey, gin and wine. This craze soon became a ver- itable mania among the chemists at the middle of the twenty-first century, and numbered among its cerebral victims almost as many as the old tomes inform us the philosopher’s stone, the Kee- ley motor and the attempt to extract gold from sea water claimed in those days. The recipe for making what was known to those ancients as “booze-water,” “jag-water” and the “cooling yellow” has, alas! never been refound. ‘The process By Bexjamix Dr. Cassenes peptic—That's easy. What worries me is what to eat! of extracting this transfiguring fluid from humble grains remains to this day as unexplainable as the statue of “Old John Barleycorn,” dug up on the Atlantic slopes, and which as it stands in our museum, has excited so much curiosity and speculation. The Only Way Willis—Do you think there is any way that burglars could get into your apartments? Gillis—Only on a 50-50 divvy with the janitor. A Noisy Neighborhood Dyer—Is yoursa noi’y neighborhood? Ryer—Yes, it’s full of pacifists. In Fashion Knicker—Sleep knits the ravelled sleeve of care. Bocker— Making a sweater, ch?