Judge, 1918-05-04 · page 33 of 38
Judge — May 4, 1918 — page 33: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This comic narrative by Strickland Gillilan satirizes a boy's entrepreneurial naivety. Johnny Sloat persuades neighbors that their fussy babies need goat's milk for health, securing lucrative milk contracts. He purchases a goat and proudly brings it home—only to discover it's a male (a "billy"), not a milk-producing female (a "nanny"). The joke mocks both Johnny's overconfidence in his sales pitch and his failure to verify basic facts before investing. The satire likely resonates with wartime (May 1918) anxieties about hasty decisions and misrepresentation. The final line—"Turned out to be a blooming billy!"—delivers the punchline with mild vulgarity typical of Judge's era. The surrounding page contains patriotic appeals to send Judge magazines to troops at camps, contextualizing this lighter fare within WWI-era publication content.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
5 ; tation a box- is that in the ght in >, and ‘dico’s > bird this is hs of a fur- ke im.— | | | ay 4, 1918 Goat-Getting By Stricktanp GILuiLan Who said unto his doting daddy: ther, may I have a goat?” “Go to it, Laddie!”” Ma Sloat was peeved and said: “My Dear! ‘Twill be a never-ending bother!” Pa said: ‘We'll keep it, never fear. For kids and goats adore each other.” Viw now the case of Johnny Sloat, “Please, “Sure thing,” said Pa. Shrewd John then called on Neighbor Brown, Within whose home an infant yammered Because its food would not stay down— For nanny milk that baby clamored. Next thing he went to Mrs. Jones Whose puny bairn was under-nourished And told her in persuasive tones, How it on goat-milk might have flourished. Anon to Smith’s he went, and also Persuaded them their baby hankered For goat-milk—“ that’s what makes it bawl so!” Another patron there he anchored. Then swiftly home hied Johnny Sloat With contracts for three quartlets daily. He went and pungled for his goat And led her homeward proudly, gaily. But now young Johnny is enraged And feeling most amazing silly: The goat whose milk he had engaged Turned out to be a blooming billy! Semper Femina By Extas Lieperwax HE greatest tribute one woman ever pays to another includes a “but” somewhere. Although every actress likes a generous supply of lines, her part must not be too obviously padded. The difference between an ingenue and a widow resolves itself into a question of marksmanship. Woman is self-conscious even in her greatest joys or profoundest griefs. She acquires a hand mirror and a powder puff tomake her big moments really telling. How He Knew “You claim no exe “How did you guess “T have seen your wife.” S PRESS CLIPPING BUREAU We will send you all newspaper clippings which ppear about you, your friends, a ton which you may want to be “ Every newspaper-and_ periodical of Bortance in the United. States and. Europe. Is searched. ‘Terms, $5.00 for 100 notices. HENRY ROMEIKE, 106-110 Seventh Ave., New York EGYPTIAN DEITIES “The Utmost in Plain End orCorkp Lire of culture and finement invariably PREFER. Deities to any other cigarette. 25 * Finargyros serygsh te Are You Helping the Campaign of Cheer? Camp Lrprary, U. S. Camp Kearny, CALIFORNIA. Mr. Perriton Maxwell, Editor, Jupce, New York City. Dear Sir: This will acknowledge your fore- thought in forwarding a package of the latest issue of Jupce to the Camp Kearny Library. I can tell you from our experience that the men never permit JuDGE to remain idle on the shelves and that when kind friends send us their copies, there are eager hands awaiting to carry them away. The boys at the base hospital especially enjoy the cheer which the magazine brings. Yours very truly, J. H. Quince, Camp Librarian Camp Hancock, Aucusta, Ga. Editor Jupcr, New York City. Dear Si Inclosed please find $.25 in stamps for which please send me one copy of your picture “No Man’s Land,” as per your ad- vertisement of last week. Almost every man in this company wants a picture of “No Man’s Land” and I was elected a committee of one to get asample. JupcE sure does drive the blues away, down here, and every week brings a new fight to see who will get JUDGE first. Wishii a long and prosperous life, Sincerely yours, Joun D. Austen, Supply Sergeant Co. H., 111th Infantry. Some People When moncy talks some people can’t hear themselves think. Eyesight By Kexnetu L. Ronerts HERE are as many varieties of eyesight as there are r ecipes for making welsh rabbit. In one man’s eyes, a girl with dark brown hair and a plump figure will appear per- fectly beautiful; and when she refuses to smile on him, he will meditate committing suicide in various hideous way: the same girl will seem strikingly unpleasant; and if he is forced to dance with her, his anger is such that he longs to kill someone. One man sees a statue of the Venus de Milo as a marvel of loveliness. Another regards it as a broken and undesirable piece of bric-a-brac. One man views a cast-iron dog on the front lawn as a rare adornment. Another sces it as a blot on the face of nature. People who look on their homes, their children, their dogs, their manners or their garments as the acme of perfection should re- member that eyesight varies widely, and that other people probably look at them differently. LIQUID PISTOL Will stop the most vicious dog (or man) without permanent in, | Pertectly safe to carry without danger of leakage ing. All esters , covered Welster, 10s. 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