Judge — May 4, 1918 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Have You Tried ALLO ND Evans NON-INTOXICATING. Ale A Word to the Wise Is Sufficient Up-to-Date Grocers, Druggists and Dealers ©. H. EVANS & SONS Established 1786 NO GOVERNMENT. LICENSE REQUIRED HUDSON, WN. ¥. Early Criticism Visitor—What were baby’s first words? Young father—His first words, I regret to say, were a distinct reflection upon me. They were, “Bum pa-pa.”” Our English Slanguage “Ts Spellbinder here yet?” “You bet he’s here and say, that boy’s there, too!” Defined Marriage is the process that knocks the “i” out of deify. Breezy “He's a breezy fellow, isn’t he?” “Oh, yes, always blowing in when you are busy.” Strength of Memory The devil was given the privilege to test an old Negro’s memory. He addressed him by ask- ing if he liked eggs. “Sure, sah; I likes eggs.” Then the devil left for ten years, and coming back, asked, “How?” “Fried, sah; fried.” How He Pays It Willis—Does Hardupp pay you back what you lend him? Gillis—No; he pays you back what he bor- rows from somebody else. HOTEL SEVILLE Fifth Ave. and 29th St., New York City Convenient to all best shops. Ideal for out-of-town visitors. Single Rooms with Detached Bath, $2.00 per day. Single Rooms with Private Bath, $2.50 per day upward. Rooms, with Bath, for Two, $3 to $5 per day. Parlor, Bedroom and Bath, $5 to $10 per day. Send for diagram showing fixed rooms prices JOHN F. GARRETY, Mgr. FUN FROM THE FIGHTERS Good Things in Our Army and Navy Publications The Thin Blue Line By “Hex EVER will we forget the time we lined up at the sick bay at the Newport Training Station some years ago suffering (get the “‘suffering”’) from two sprained thumbs incurred in a box- ing bout morning and that was painful. All the sick, lame and lazy lined up The thumbs were not exactly so painful, but battalion drill was on the boards that single file, got our name in the book at the steward’s desk and passed on to the doctor, who gave us the hop. The bird in line right in front of us had a sore ear, but he also took a sudden attack of cold feet as he neared the Medico, and accordingly dropped out of line. This ruined the whole parade, and when we arrived at the Medico’s desk with our two bum thumbs the Doc packed a lot of jockie and cotton in our ear and the bird behind us, who had a stomach ache, got both of his thumbs painted with iodine. (Whether this is true or not, you'll have to admit it’s a good story, and we need ’em.)—Our Navy. Conversation The conversation in the village hotel had turned on the war, when one of the company asked: Which is the most war-like nation?” “Vacci-nation,” replied a doctor. nearly always in arms.” —The Seventh Regiment Gazette. Heinie’s Chips A Fearful Struggle ‘This war isa fearful struggle, but did you ever see a sailor trying to borrow money from a marine about the middle of the month? “Te’s Some Guys Some guys are so close if they owned the Atlantic Ocean they wouldn’t give a dying clam a gargle. Consults History Benny Hunsaker lined up at the ship’s library and drew out a five-volume history of the United States. Benny merely wanted to ascertain who pitched for the New York Giants in i902. Slaves to Habit Some fellows are so used to eating in restau- rants that when they ship in the Navy they hang their hat and pea coat on a nearby billet hook at meal time. Can’t eat unless they can watch their duds at the same time.—Our Navy. In No Hurry Corporal Ferry, of the M. P.’s, was sent to town on official business. Not being in a hurry he decided to take the P. and N. The conductor came through the car, dime hunting. “I’m. on official business,” said Corporal Ferry. “You'll have to pass me.” “Son,” said the venerable conductor, sadly, “I'm sorry, but we can’t. The trains on this road are so durn slow we can’t pass anybody.” — Wadsworth Gas Attack. Why Private S—Do you know why the Kaiser is like a man from the North of Ireland? Corporal H.—Search me! Private S.—Well, one comes from Belfast and the other’s going to Hellfast.—Wadsworth Gas Attack. A Symbol “What does A. W. O. L. mean?” “A week of life, and then two months of work.”’—Trench and Camp. Extremes (A Short Story) Gladness—A soldier going home on a fur lough. Sadness—The same soldier coming back. Madness—The soldier who watches him.— Sheridan Reveille. The Camp Dentist Aud WHAT IT REALLY WAS —Wadsworth Gas Assack- Unsanitary Two lady visitors were walking down the regimental street. One said: “T like everything about this camp. The tents and buildings and streets are all kept 9 clean.” The other said (as they passed an incinerator) “Yes, but I don’t think they make their coffee in a very sanitary way.”—Trench and Camp