Judge — May 4, 1918 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

XUM EDUCATIO Budding Suffragette—“ My daughter has already written her graduation essay.” “*Beyond the Alps Lies Italy?’” “T should say not! My girl’s a student of contemporary events. The title of her say is, ‘ Militancy as Opposed to Lobby- Brooklyn Citizen. es: ing. Back to School Teaching—An Ohio man whose son was an applicant for a position in the Federal civil service, but who had been repeatedly “turned down,” said: “It’s sure hard luck, but Bill has missed that civil service again. It looks like they just won’t have him, that’s all!” “What was the trouble?” asked the friend. “Well, he was kinder short on spellin’ and geography, an’ he missed a good deal in arithmetic.” “What’s he going to do about it?” “IT don’t know,” said the father. “Times are not so good for us, an’ I reckon he'll have to go back to teachin’ school for a livin’.”"—Harper’s Magazine. “P Stands for POWER" Political Strategy—British Patriots and Gentlemen Sportsmen! I hold a pea between my finger and thumb—I have nothing up my sleeve, look you! On the table, all above board, are three hats, under each of which I will now pass the pea. Watch the pea, Gentlemen, watch the pea! Professor 0 Voice of Looker-On—Wait and see!— National News (London). Brain Food for the Kaiser CE os ubsistencies? Me’n f—de les subsisténcies! ‘The German Dreamer: Food stuffs? Bah! Mentres me quedin illusions!” What do I care for food stuffs when I have these beautiful thoughts!—La Campana de Gracia (Barcelona). Candid Dorothea—Dorothea’s aunt was visiting with Dorothea’s somewhat wealthy and particular parents, who had brought up their daughter after their own manner. The aunt and the girl were about to go out, when the girl observed: “Are you going out, auntie? You've got a hole in your veil.” “Have I?” replied the aunt. “I’m afraid I haven’t time to change it now.” “Oh, well, it’s not a very big one,” replied the girl, “and, after all, I don’t suppose any one will know you're my aunt.”—Argonaut. Couldn't Exchange—Johnny was at the grocery store. “T hear you have a little sister at your house,” said the grocer. “Yes, sir,” said Johnny. “Do you like that?” was queried. “I wish it was a boy,” said Johnny, “so I could play marbles with him, and baseball.” “Well,” said the storekeeper, “why don’t you exchange your little sister for a boy?” Johnny reflected for a minute, then he said rather sorrowfully: “We can’t now. It’s too late. We've used her four weeks.” —Public Ledger. Corrected—A teacher instructing her class in grammar, wrote two sentences on the blackboard. The sentences were: “The hen has got three legs,” and “Who done it?” She said to Tommy, who was not a very bright pupil: “Go to the blackboard and correct those two sentences.” Tommy slowly approached the board, thinking hard. Then he took the chalk and wrote: “The hen never done it. Nature done it."—Good Jests. Honest—A formal, fashionable caller addressed a very little girl: “How are you, my dear?” “Very well, thank you,” returned the child. “Now, my dear, you should ask me how I am.” “But I don’t want to know!” the child replied, honestly, but unexpectedly.— Harper’s Magazine. comicbooks.com