Judge — April 27, 1918 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A mass of towering palms, much marble and occasional rugs, means a ransom. Less marble and only one or two palms, means less indemnity. And simple mahog- any and no palms, means ten cents. There are other things that go to determine the amount paid over for what was once yours. Your own shrewdness and ability to judge human nature helps some. Also your nerve can be called upon. Some- times it chances that your hat is held in a place to which you may never go again. In that case, your course of conduct may not be difficult to pursue, though perchance painful. I should dislike very much to figure up what my derby has cost me. Sometimes I think I cannot afford to runa derby. It isn’t so much the first cost; it’s the up-keep. I was almost tempted to allude to it as over- head expense, but refrained, from delicacy, and because when I speak of derbies I haven’t the heart to joke. Nobody should joke about such a solemn looking thing as a derby, for a more solemn, sombre affair would be hard to find. Itis soempty, so black. Not a single rosette or bit of cockade to liven it up! Way do men ever select such a piece of headgear in the first I know why hang onto it after they get it, but what can be the rea- son for wanting one Ls heiress, an actress, a trained nurse, a social butterfly, a slum worker and fifty-six or -seven other spectacular things } $ at present interested in shopping, auction bridge, lingerie, eugenics, Belgian relief, vers libre, the eight-hour day, birth control, film censorship, Galsworthy and the waist line. She has opinions on every conceivable topic of polite conversation. It is her aim to create a type of confabulation in which all the participants but one listen—and cuss inwardly. And she has it almost perfected. Mr. Rattle, who is occasionally heard of but never heard from, is reputed to be the “dearest husband on earth.” The little Rattles are precocious and never present. They make hundreds of astounding observa- tions every day. The Rattles’ home life is just darling. Mrs. Rattle will tell you all about it if she happens to get started in that direction. Conserve Your Collar Buttons By Farmer Sauiru I" is conservative- ly estimated that there were 1,117,300 collar buttons lost or mislaid in the United States during the last. twelve months, to say nothing of the lost tempers of thou- sands of men. Is it not time something was done to stop this enormous in the beginning? They are not beauti- ful on or off the head. They are hard to keep clean. Also they dent very easily and grow shabby without aneffort. It is a myster There is no sentiment in my case towards my derby. I respect it, the same as I respect anything that cost a lot of money, but I do not love it. I don’t gaze at it with the tenderness I bestow on my tulip bed, nor do I look at it with the fondness which my old briar pipe inspires. These I would not part with. But anyone who will advance to me one-tenth the sum which I have paid out, may become the owner of one black derby, a trifle fuzzy perhaps, but still capable of exciting the envious eyes of hat boys and hat girls. Some People You Have Known Portrait Gallery Judge’s By H.W. Dee MBS. LETT M. RATTLE has talked continuously now for twenty-odd years without having said anything. And she isn’t thirty yet. She has told so many tales about her childhood and her par- ents that nobody cares whether she had any of either. ‘Those who have kept a desultory check on her unceasing chatter depose that she has been a badly spoiled child, an inmate in a girls’ finishing school, a globe trotter, an Novovy Suovtn Joxe Anovt Suc a Sout waste? The price of bones is soaring, the price of celluloid is going constantly skyward, while the price of gold remains about the same, on a par with coal, but collar buttons cannot be made from coal. It is important to know just how to conserve collar buttons. It is suggested by the National Committee on the Conservation of Collar Buttons that the first step should be to close up the bottom of all dressers, bureaus and chiffoniers. This may be done by carpenters at a cost of about $10 for each piece of furniture fixed. Housewives are earnestly urged to close up all cracks, crevices and holes around the floors and to see that there are no corners in any room where collar buttons may be lost. It is further suggested that when a man is handling a collar button, either taking it from his shirt or putting it in, he should stand on a sheet placed there by the proper authority, so that if the but- ton takes a downward course, it may be easily found. Should the suggestions of the committee be followed, it is thought that at least five cents will be saved every man, every year, in the United States. Let us all work together. ix Lookine Tune as a Derny War Note She—They say the more bread you eat, the better your complexion Her lover—Then I wonder that Hoover doesn’t arrest you for hoarding it all. corn comicbooks.com