Judge, 1918-04-13 · page 12 of 36
Judge — April 13, 1918 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**"Losing an Apple"** is a humorous essay by Albert E. Hort riffing on Brigadier General Charles H. Sherrill's successful bet with New York Governor Whitman to expand the National Guard from 4,000 to 16,000 soldiers. The piece uses apple-related historical references—Eve's apple, Helen of Troy, William Tell, Noah's ark—to playfully suggest that lost apples have shaped human destiny. It concludes with a dig at George Washington: he famously *refused* to chop down a cherry tree (not an apple tree), establishing his honesty. The satire suggests this moral precedent now inspires Americans to sacrifice meat for Mr. Hoover (likely referring to food conservation during WWI) without receiving the reward they deserve—a steak—leaving them to contemplate their sacrifice. **"Rounding Up a Slacker"** depicts a young man defending himself against a woman's accusation of being a "slacker" (WWI-era term for draft dodger). He claims he's tried a dozen times to enlist but apparently failed. The woman's blush and admission she was thinking of peace, not war, reframes the encounter as flirtation rather than patriotic confrontation—a lighthearted romantic play on wartime anxiety.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Losing an Apple By Ausert E. Hort RIGADIER GENERAL CHARLES H. SHERRILL, Adjutant General of the State of New York, says that Governor Whitman bet him an apple that he could not increase the numbers of the New York Guard from 4,000 to 16,000 at a given lane ik Navy, Navy ts date. The Governor lost the apple, and was glad he Peeks lost it. This incident reminds one that from the day when Mother Eve gained that fateful fruit, there have been plenty of times when losing an apple might have changed the history of the world. It is fair to note, however, that Eve’s fruit was not the standard winter apple—it was a fall apple, and as Eve herself was a pippin, Adam would have fallen for her anyhow. If Helen of Troy had lost an apple—if William Tell had missed out on the pot-shot he took at the apple on his boy’s head—the sum total of human misery would have been reduced by countless flunks in Homer, and thousands of hopeless schoolboys would never have had to recite, on exhibition day, “Once Switzer- land was free.”” After-dinner audiences would have been relieved—if the apple which Noah took into the ark had not been a pair—of the after-dinner orator’s favorite story about the boy to whose apple “there ain’t goin’ to be no core.” George Washington, so justly eulogized by Artemus Ward as “a man who never slopped over”—George Washington selected not the apple tree but the cherry tree to refrain from destroying, and we sce the result Rounding Up a Slacker today when millions of his countrymen, partly to . please Mr. Hoover and partly from other motives, By Jor Cone also forego the chop. Finding that their patriotic “YOU'RE a slacker!” she cried, and her bright eyes renunciation does not lead them to the steak, they shone like the “eyes” of a plane at night; chew the cud of meditation. He recoiled at the charge, but stood his ground with never a sign of fright. He faced the foe as a brave man ought, tho’ he looked through a tear-brought mist; “Tam not!” he cried, “for you know I've tried a dozen times to enlist!” Drawn by Saxvoxn Tousey “See Fritz,—dere it iss—chust as der Kaiser promised us!” The enemy softened, and stood at ease, but renewed the charge once more, Tho’ she looked not at the raw recruit, but blushingly sought the floor; “T wasn’t thinking of war at all, my thoughts were of peace,” said she, So he shouldered arms in a riot of charms, and pushed on to victory. Wouldst Not “Why do people marry in June?” “It’s a wise custom. You wouldn’t start ’em off facing a coal Drawn by Avwert Leverixc problem, would you now?” “Grandpa, did you holler awful much when the dentist pulled your hair ali out?” comicbooks.com