Judge — April 6, 1918 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The prospective bridegroom usually waited until the young female persons of the tribe wandered off to pick orchids or a new suit of sunburn; then he separated one from the herd, ran her into a ravine and dropped the heavy end of his bat upon her occiput. The affair was burdened by no formaliti if the lady’s skull withstood the wallop the new husband took it as an assurance that she was physically suited to his needs. Presuming that all went well the happy bridegroom picked up the maiden of his choice, slung her over his left shoulder and returned home by a circuitous route. When she regained consciousness she found herself anchored by one foot to a rock in a strange cave, or wedged into the fork of an equally strange tree, and while she was probably hazy over what happened during the period of her hiatus, it is unlikely that she spent much time in repining. Later her new husband came home, poked her in the ribs with his club, presented her with a new raw rabbit, and—the family life began with no more ado. The courtship was simple, the bride’s trousseau the lump on her head. It will be observed that Jetfersonian simplicity was so greatly to the fore that it had Jetferson whipped by several wons. Divorce, it may be interjected, was obtained with even greater celerity and simplicity. It required no evidence, no courts and resulted in no alimony. Why no alimony, madam? Because even in those days, a defunct spouse had little use for a weekly stipend of cocoanuts or an hebdomedal toll of wild hog. You will observe that the ceremonies of marriage and a Littte “T’ve Pickeo Up a Covupte or Gat ON THE Tyre You Hikep Ur to tHe Teurts Ap Suiprep a Ci 1c Peacu Liner THis Morniy divorce take longer nowad. but the manner of it hasn’t changed much in the essentials. Ask the latest victim of divorce if she would not as soon have tried the club method. The world has been fed with the idea that marriage is a heaven-sent plan, all complete with working drawings and ground plans and specifications figured out toa divine scale. At the risk of stic ing a wrench into the gearbox of other good folks’ beliefs, I insist it isn’t any- thing of the kind. It’s a human develop- ment; it began with marriage by capture the first stage. And that persisted for I eextatx Party don’t know how many years until it took Row a new turn that continues to the present hour; a turn that was essentially com- mercial, otherwise, marriage by purchase. Conquest by club had to give way to conquest by cash. However. The bridegroom of this second period went forth with his primitive check-book, and cither dickered the bride’s father to a standstill, or else settled on the original demand—thirty days cash, or sight draft with bill of lading. Thus the bridegroom got a property right in his wife, and that right persists to this da Nonsense? All right, you start out on a flirtation with the handsome wife of some poor but honorable party and watch him institute a suit for damages against you for depriving him of his wife. Not a blamed thing but cash will soothe his lacerated feel- ings, he is that high-minded about it. ‘The next stage was an extension of the second. It polygamy, based upon the economic method; a man had a right to expend his cash anyway he saw fit. When man came down from the tree he began mer- MENT THAT GoT IN ; Part or a Const comicbooks.com esse