Judge — April 6, 1918 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Wall Nuts By JAMES MONTGOMERY FLAGG This clever picture, in full colors, 11x14, mounted on heavy mat. “ready for the frame, sent prepaid for twenty-five cents, JUDGE ART PRINT DEPARTMENT L 225 FIFTH AVE. NEW YORK CITY By C. STRANGE occupat. was _ that A of Adolph Zimmermai. He was pelican painter for the Natural History Museum. During the migratory season the farmers shipped thousands of these “rare specimens” to the Museum, and Adolph’s duty was to dig trenches and bury them in the back yard. “Are there any such strange occupations as yours,” the Custodian asked him, “such odd trades back in Germany?” Then Adolph told him of the following trades: Monocle Meister in the Fecht-Boden Verein. The duty of a monocle teacher in a dueling club is to show the English- aping young Prussians how to mount and ride a London high wheel monocle without letting their faces fall under it. Baumen-Fleischer. The duties of a wood butcher in Berlin is to carve tree trunks into hams and sausages and paint them to look the part when displayed in shop windows. Box Car Censor. Tramp poets and other gifted wayfarers in all lands use chalk and leadpencil to inscribe stanzas in box cars, on water tanks and on the walls of comfort stations. To check these, the best linguists of Heidelberg disguised as vagrants travel through all the Allied countries. Their duties as box car in- spectors are to enter all these unseemly places, read the rhymes and blot out un- complimentary references to the Kaiser. Pie Forcer in a Prison Camp. This job is performed by Americans with strong wrist muscles such as blacksmiths and horse-tooth pullers. German prisoners, stubbornly insisting that German apple- cake is the right name for American apple pie, refuse to eat their pie under that name. The pie forcer’s job is to make them eat the pie and say “Uncle.” LIQUID PISTOL Will atop the most vicious di man) without permanent injury. thy sale to carry without danger of leaks, recharges by paling the tage. Loy trom any loud = we touting, All esters Cie. Rather Caitred Weitere foe. Wits Phtay S50 Parker Stearss ‘& Co, 254 Shelfield Ave., Dept. E, Brooklya, N.Y. WANTED—AN IDEA! WHO CAN THINK OF SOME simple thing to patent? | Protect i Tae ideas, they may bring ite for" ions” and “flow to and Your: Sto Randolph & Co., Patent Attorneys, Dept. 129, Washington, D.C. Babies By A. B. Boot LMOST every one has a_ baby. The baby may be a canary, or an aged parent, or a shelf of first editions, or a wife, but the principle is the same. Of course a baby is primarily something togohome to. If you are really ambitious and maintain a highly animate baby, it is something you have to go home to. All varieties have their advantages. If your baby is a collection of old china, you can stay out as often and as late as you like. But no old Staffordshire platter will ever watch for you at the window or run to bring your slippers. On the other hand, you never have to take it out on a dog leash or buy a license for it. And there’s no denying that the baby who watches at the window for you is hungry for what- ever you are in the habit of bringing home with you—food, petting, or a snappy line of conversation. The platter is absolutely disinterested. The people who keep real infant babies are immensely devoted to them, but this is not so much parental devotion as a frantic desire to atone. It’s hard ona nice young couple when they realize that the baby has Uncle Amos’s shifty eye and Aunt Sarah’s long nose. Their good in- tentions can not absolve them; it was their fault and no one else’s. So they try to get in so solid with the baby that when Ci. / “The mission of this paper is to preach the gospel of cheerfulness.” judge Company. New York as 225 Fifth Avenue, Reuben A. Waldron, Literary Editor. Lawton Mackal Associate Editor. A. E. Rollauer, Treasurer. Grant E. Hamilton, Art Director SUBSCRIPTION RATES One year, 5% numbers Six months, or 26 numbers Thirteen weeks - ~ Payable in advance or draft oa New York. or by express pyright in both newsstand, the + r Present year, 10 cents per copy; 1917, 10 cents; 1916, 20 cen! Postage {ree io the United States, its dependencies, and Mex- To Canadian Provinces add 30 cents a year for postage: nnot undertake to return unsolicited manuscripts or drawings unless they are accompanied by fall postage for that purpose. Advertising Department Offices Brunswick Building Tremont Building - - - - ~ - Marquette Building Henry Building - - New York Boston Chicago Seattle Judge is printed by the Schweinler Press. “The Curse of Drink”? This picture proved one of Judge's most popular subjects and has been reprinted in full colors, mounted on a heavy mat, II x 14, ready for the frame. It will be mailed post free for twenty-five cents, stamps, Judge Art Print Department 225 Fifth Avenue, New York City it grows up and finds out its handicap, it will forgive them, and the old, friendly re- lations will continue. Babies are the one perfect subject fora general conversation. The few who haven't babies are babies. King of the Goats By Horace Seyaour Ketter HEN a bachelor’s nursing his needle And cussing the dodgasted light, Viz, vainly essaying to wheedle The thread so it will point right; Aye, when he’s conserving a button And can’t find the hole. poor he! The while he is scorching his mutton, With no sugar in sight for his tea; Or when he is frosty and trembly, And finds no coals that ‘wait To woo and to coo the assembly Of embers that ain't in his gr: Why, then in a tone he grumbles Like a man come back to his sense, And like a lost soul he mumb! “Oh, where are the girls of the whence?” Ah! then the rare maidens come smiling Along in the cloud that floats From his old friend brier beguiling, As he sighs: “I'm the king of the goats!” Out of Place MAKING is all right, but then mes ’tis practiced to excess. I think "twas well if certain men Would love themselves a little less. NEW HOTEL BINGHAM, Philadelphia In the center of everything. Large. well lighted fortable rooms. Hot and cold running water in every oon Only hotel having direct connection with all rai road. stations and ferries. garden. Club breakfast Special luncheons. Rooms without bath, $1.50; with bat. $2.00 per day and up. FRANK KIMBLE, Manager. If you sittin arisin