Judge — April 6, 1918 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

, i eed TRAVEL They Just Had to Wait—Something was the matter with the stop-signal bell of the Toonerville trolley car, and the conductor had to whistle to the motor- man, that trip—one whistle to start, two whistles to go ahead. This wasn’t the real Toonerville trolley but a certain suburban “dummy line” which is so denominated by the facetious car ride Many of our readers know where it is, and several of them will vouch for this incident. At one place, the other morning, the car made a long stop, and some of the passengers began to get uneasy. One sought the rear platform and found the conductor eating a frugal luncheon. ve goin’ to stand here? are we waitin’ for?” asked the passenger. The conductor swallowed hard and was understood to reply: “Looky here, I ain't got nothin’ but dry crackers fer my lunch. An’ you'll hafter wait till I git ’em all swallered good before I kin whistle!""—Cleveland Plain Dealer. Quite Unnecessary—A Chicago pub- lisher registered at the Hotel Cecil in London recently, and was assigned to a room on next to the top floor. The fol- lowing morning he rang for a bell-boy. When there was no response to the second call he lifted the tclephone-receiver and waited in vain for “Are you there?” ing to establish any communication with the office, he dressed and started for the office to register indignation. The elevator wasn’t running. He began to walk down, On the fourth landing he met a housemaid and asked in strong Chicago language what the matter with the hotel. “Well, sir, you see, sir,” came the answer, “the Zeppelins were reported, and we were all ordered to the cellar for safet ——!" After which the guest said: “Well, I'm on the next to the top floor and I wasn’t warned.” “No, sir,” was the bland reply, “but you see, sir, you don’t come under the Employers’ Liability Act, sir.” —Ezery- body's Dry Humor—tThe chief forest ranger of the big Government reserve along the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, had occasion in the course of a somewhat ex- trip, to travel as far east as Stop Thief! The Villain of the (Garden) Plot.— «Annual (London). Kansas City. When he returned to his post of duty he brought along an Irishman who had expressed a desire to go West and grow up with the countr When they struck the desert the Irish: man looked for a spell at the dry and arid prosnect. Then he said: F * Mister, I don’t want to say anything unpleasant about this country, but it looks to me like it would take nine acres of it to rust wan nail!""—Saturday Eve- ning Post. “ Retardez [offensive Victoire (Paris). News (Made in Germany) from Paris MATRIMONY Tried in Vain—One afternoon two acquaintances chanced to meet, and dur- ing the fest that followed one of them took the other to task for the latitude in boasting that he allowed his Say, Jim,” said he, “why on earth do you permit your wife to go around telling the other women that she made a man out of you? You never hear my wife say any- thing 1 “4 “No,” rejoined Jim, with a merry little chuckle, “but I have heard her say on more than one occasion that she had tried her hardest.” —Philadelphia Telegraph. His Advantage—Heck—Yes, 1 have met your wife. In fact, I knew her before you married her. Peck—Ah! That’s where you had the advantage of me—I_ didn’t.—Boston Transcript. Bringing Up the Average—‘Did your daughters marry rich men?” “Not exactly. One married a farmer and another married an ultimate con- sumer. But the third may make up for all that.” “How so?” “She's eng: Brooklyn Cit ed to a middleman.”— ne 1 faut laisser trazailler les socialistes francais.” “Delay the offensive! We must let the French socialists continue their work. comichooks.co