Judge, 1918-03-30 · page 11 of 36
Judge — March 30, 1918 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains anti-pacifist propaganda from World War I era. "The Nightmares of a Pacifist—No. 5" depicts Willie Bonehead, a draft dodger, experiencing a fever dream where a starving soldier ("hungry rookie") tries to eat him—suggesting pacifists' moral cowardice will literally consume society. The draft officer waiting downstairs represents inescapable military obligation. The satire mocks pacifists as selfish "slackers" endangering the nation. The lower sections are filler: "Maxims for Motorists" offers car-humor puns unrelated to the main cartoon, while "Safety First" features a character cynically refusing predictions after the "Crime of '73" (likely the 1873 financial panic), treating all forecasts as equally unreliable. The overall page reflects wartime pressure on Americans to support military service.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
| | | | The Nightmares of a Pacifist—No. 5 agonies, born of a slacker’s conscience, was his adventure with a ’ I \HE culminating horror experienced by Willie Bonehead in his sleep- monstrous and hungry rookie who was on the point of gulping down Willie along with a spoonful of “slum,” at the instant he was awakened and informed that a draft officer was awaiting him in the hallway below. Maxims for Motorists STATIONARY tire gathers no tacks. Set a chauffeur to catch a chauffeur. A four-cylinder pocketbook should not flirt with a twelve-cylinder car. It’s a very wise steering gear that knows its own master. You may camouflage the old car with a coat of paint, but you cannot laugh loud enough to drown out its rattle. Safety First “T =LL me, Mr. Gloom} do you predict that the war will end in the spring, or “TI predict nothing nowadays,” interrupted J. Fuller Gloom, “having learned by painful experience that anybody else can predict just as well as I can, and prove it by Scriptural texts, horoscopes, ouija boards, Tolstoy and Hostetter’s almanac, with equal plausibility. For the sake of personal peace I am confining my utter- ances to reminiscences of the awful Crime of ’73.”