Judge — March 23, 1918 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

XUM | WOMAN | Feces a TR Getting Even—‘“ You'll regret some day that you refused to marry me.” “Leave that to time.” “No, I won't either. I’m going out right now and start to make $1,000,000.”” —Birmingham Age-Herald. One for Use—Mother has bought a beautiful new clock for the mantel, and also a cheap one to tell what time it is.— Youngstown Telegram. Yes and No—‘Would you call Mrs. Gowitt a good conversationalist?” “Yes and no. She makes you think of a lot of things to say, but she talks so incessantly you don’t get a chance to say them.”—Boston Transcript. Easily Arranged—‘Do you ever quarrel with your wife?” “Never,” replied Mr. Meekton. “When a difference of opinion arises Henrietta lectures and I am the audi- ence.” —Washington Star. A Dissolving View—“Did you see anything of the pretty plaintiff?” “Yes; I caught a view of her just as she dissolved into tears.” “Oh, then, it was a dissolving view? ”"— Baltimore American. A Poor Financier—He—We'll have to give up our intended summer trip. My account at the bank is already over- drawn. She—Oh, John, you are such a wretched financier. Why don’t you keep your account in a bank that has plenty of money?—Boston Transcript. Maids Are so Dishonest—‘ You simply can not trust anybody. Every one seems so dishonest nowadays,” declared the woman. “My maid, in whom I had the utmost confidence, left me suddenly yesterday and took with her my beautiful pearl brooch.” “That is too bad,” sympathized the friend. ‘Which one was it?” “That very pretty one I smuggled through last spring.”—Pittsburg Chron- icle Telegraph. A Queen Among Women “Crest bien votre ami Gaétan qui passe la? Hi parait qu'il a fait un riche mariage!” “Certainement, chére madame; il a époué une femme qui n'a aucun appétit!” “Is that your friend Gaétan? I under- stand he’s made a rich marriage.” “He certainly has! Why, he’s married a woman without any appetite.”—Le Péle- Méle (Paris). Inventions—“I see they’ve invented another automatic machine that takes the place of a man,” remarked Miss Peppery. “But they'll never invent a machine that could take the place of a woman.” . “Oh, I don’t know,” replied Knox; “there’s the phonograph.”’—Tid-Bits. 1 ARRIAGE | What Marriage Did—Opulent Father- in-law—What ails you, George? Since you have married you seem to have lost all your ambition. George—Well, you see, sir,I reached the height of my ambition when I became your son-in-law.—San Francisco Chronicle. Lost His Enthusiasm—The worried countenance of the bridegroom disturbed the best man. Tip-tocing up the aisle, he whisperes “What's the matter, Jock? Hae ye lost the ring?” “No,” blurted out the unhappy Jock, “the ring’s safe eno’. But, mon, I’ve lost ma enthusiasm.”—Southern Woman's Magazine. Hope for Inheritance—“I do hope you appreciate that in marrying my daughter you marry a large-hearted girl?” “TI do, sir. And I hope she inherits those qualities from her father.”—Pass- ing Show. A Moratorium—Hasn’t he got a rich wife? Yes; but she hasn’t declared any divi- dends so far.—Ideas. The Din-o-meter La lancetta cammina via, via, col crescere della pancia ¢ quando questa si é riempita fino at confine segnato dalla linietta, la lancetta fa scattare la molla della campanella ¢ allora tl cameriere accorre conto e il pasto termina. As the tension at the diner’s waistband increases, the hand on the dial moves along till it reaches a little spring-lever connected with the bell on top. ‘The bell then rings, warning the waiter of the alarming proportions which the local food situation has assumed.—Il 420 (Florence). comicbooks.com