Judge — March 16, 1918 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“KEEPS THE FEET FIT” Physicians say so —and you will agree that you have never had such comfort and free circulation for muscles and veins—when you try the E. Z. GARTER The WIDE WEBBING * THE ONE THAT WON'T BIND” no buckles or adjustments to. c the secret sad there are come wi e or break. a finish F sod lisle 25e, Try the EL Z2 2CRIP. ec and 60c. If not at dealer's, send his name and price to THE THOS. P. TAYLOR CO., Dept. J, Bridgeport, Conn, Dealers: Ask your jobber, or order sample dozens from us without obligation. Contributed to Camp Journals From Camp Diz Times Not Needed F. L. Daugherty, Y. M. C. A. physical di- rector at No. 3, tells this one about two mem- bers of the One Hundred and Fifty-seventh. The two soldiers were at mess. “Sa; aid the first. “Are said the second. “Well, then, take in your wings.” ou an aviator?” Not Going One day an ammunition dump blew up. Cordite was blazing, shells and bombs bursting, and splinters and whole shells flying everywhere in the vicinity. The atmosphere was full of smoke and resounding with metallic whines. Out of a shack hard by came a darky loaded to the water line with kit, blankets, rifle, etc., and up the road he dangled. “Here! Where are you going?” shouted an officer. “T ain’t goin’, suh,” gone.” * panted the darky, “I’se From Trench and Camp Changes in Warfare A story illustrative of the changes in methods re comes from a soldier in France who German officer prisoner. ive up your sword,” shouted the poilu as he covered the Hun with his gun. But the officer shook his head and answered: “T have no sword to give up, but won’t my vitriol spray, my oil projector or my gas cylinder do as well?” Wanted to Know “What is this stuff anyway?” asked one of the new ordnance men examining the “mess.”” “Taste it and see,” snapped the mess sergeant. “T did,” said our hero; “that was what aroused my curiosity.” Both the Same An argument between two artillerymen was quickly ended when one said to the other: “You came down to this camp two months ago with that shirt and a $2 bill, and you haven't changed either one of them since.” FUNNY THINGS IN A SOLDIER’S LIFE An honorarium of $5 will be sent by Juvce to any member of Uncle Sam's fighting forces on land or sea whose contribution to this department is selected by the Editor as the funiest camp or ship story of Accepted original jokes are paid for at the rate of one dollar each. the week. The Limitations of Friendship By Major C. R. Young, School of Infantry, Camp Borden, Ont. ORRIFIED musketry instructor (to Private Jerry O'Rourke, who is lambasting the firing bank with his new Springfield) — What are you doing O’Rourke? Didn't I tell you to always treat your rifle as your best friend? Private O’Rourke—Yis, sor, ‘tis this way I'd be tratin’ me bist frind if he kicked me loike this baste did! Sorrows of Saluting First Lieutenant—Why, what’s the trouble, old fellow? Did you sprain your arm? Second Lieutenant—Worse than that. I walked down Main Street last night.—Camp Dix Times. Bouquets for the Various Branches By Michael E. Martin, U, incers, Fort Mill, Soom or, Carite, P. The other corps’ opinion of the Engincer: The Engineer is very queer, He builds some funny bridges, And when he m: little road He leaves it full of ridges. What the rest of the army thinks of the Quartermaster Corps: ‘The Q. M. Corps is slow but sure. They are SLOW to do their wor! But only give them half a chance They’re SURE as h—— to shirk. Our opinion of the Hospital Corps: When you are sick—in need of help, To the Hospital Corps apply, For they stand ready day and night To help a buck to die. After watching the Coast Artillery fire at the floating targets. The C. A. C. earns praise from thee And give it then you oughter They never miss, for when they shoot They always hit the—water. Send in your humor, boy:, Out of the Trenches HIS poem was found by a Canadianf Lieut.W. G. Baxter, of the 18th Battalion stationed in Flanders, while censoring the maik Author unknown. The mud’s knee deep in the trenches an’ me bones i: raked wi’ the cold, An’ I warms me ‘ands at the charcoal tin ‘fore eve I takes a ‘old Of me snub-nosed service rifle; shines, An’ sends a mes: German lines! Ping! that’s a Merry Christmas! i hat’s the same to you. Oh, for the sight 0’ the mistletoe bough, an’ a goo! mince pie or two. Jimmy, ’e’s got me girl on his knee, an’ Billy, s me beer, But I'm ‘avin’ a ‘ell o’ a time pottin’ the Germam ‘ere. “ow the foresight of love an’ peace into th I'm froze right through to the marrow an’ me coat’: been wet for a week, For you ain’t got time for a wash an’ brush when the guns begin to spe We're ahead 0’ the commissariat stafi, an’ all as we fave to eat Is Rooty soaked to a slab o’ mud, an’ ’Arriat han for meat. Ping! that’s ‘ow are you fari Ping! that’s ‘oping you're fin But I'd sell me soul for a slice 0’ goose an’ a glass ¢ sherry wine. Jimmy, ’e’s ‘aving ‘is pals alone, an’ Billy, 'e cop: the brew, But I'm ‘avin’ a ‘ell 0’ a time, secin’ me countr;) through. But, ’struth it’s a Merry Christmas, as we in th trenches ge ‘Though our ‘ands is froze till it’s ‘ard to shoot, a2 the socks in our boots is wet, But me, I couldn't be ‘appy along 0’ a fire tonight When I knows full well as I’m hale an’ strong a0 fit for the 'ardest fight. Ping! that’s a Merry Christmas! Ping! that's ad New Year! But the missus an’ kids feel safe tonight. They wouldn’t if we weren't ‘ere. ‘es smokin’ a black cheroot, an’ Billy a fst But I'm *: avin’ 1 ‘ell o' a time, an’ I'm damn gla! I are! SEXUAL KNOWLED ILLUSTRATED SCOTT HALL, M.D,PLD. week FACTS ee PLAIN very young woman should know? wrat ever ung hata ie je should know know e320 pages—many [ilustratient tents, and cvsimendations, on reqeat. AMERICAN PUB. COMPANY, 309 Winstea Bidg., Philadebbis 25 Fi New ¥ Ta offer. for $ stood Jove curre in all me (Can Stree City State comicbooks.com ss