Judge — March 16, 1918 — page 33: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

March 16, 1918 I Stand Corrected By Liste Ben. HERE were three things I could T do. I could go to the opera. I could flush and pretend I had. I could blush and admit I hadn’t. There is no other alternative for a man who is unfortunate enough to reside west of the Alleghanies, and who happens to visit in. New York during the winter season. “Of course, you heard the opera?” This query is bound to be fired at him adozen times a day when he gets home. As if there was only one! I decided to go to the opera. There were no seats at the Metropolitan box office. There alway: ’t. A spec- ulator showed me a nice little three-dollar seat for six dollars, but when he wanted tocollect the war tax on a six-dollar basis, I balked. A well-meaning friend said I could get excellent standing room for the price of the cheapest seat, and be so near the six- dollar seats that I could reach over and pat a decollete lady on the shoulder. This was merely his way of putting it, for he must have known my natural timidity. Atany rate, I decided to stand. And I did—most of the time. I have forgotten the name of the opera, but if anyone is curious, I think he will find that it is the longest. The standing room was as crowded as a tush-hour subway train. In the middle of the first act, when I had a sudden im- pulse to scratch my ear, I thoughtlessly raised my hand and did so, only to dis- cover that I couldn’t get my arm down again. There I was, with elevated elbow. > My pocket might have been picked, and Ishould have been powerless to interfere, except vocally. And there was enough vocal interference on the stage to drown mine. During the second intermission, I wrig- gled my way to the edge of the throng, and collapsed on the carpet. I decided to “sit out”? the last act. Of course, there were persons and other opera lovers mov- ing about all the time. I have never told anyone what really happened. How could I say, with a wan smile, “Yes, I went to the opera and someone stepped on my finger.” But that is what really happened. I shall never stand up for opera again. The next time I shall just lie to my friends and be done with it. Standing up for the national anthem is going to be the limit of my musical uprising, hereafter. And the next time I am tempted to go the Metropolitan and stand up, I am go- ing to the Hippodrome and sit down. A New Poker Term _ Wife (reading)—George, dear, what is the meaning of homogeneity? George—Why, it’s—ah—er—well, it’s a Straight flush. i} How They Saved e Regiment! There is one British regiment that believes that St. George appeared in the moonlight riding a white horse and showed them how to escape from an overwhelming force of Ger- mans. And all that myth grew out of the glorious deed of a dog, and a little six-year-old baby. But the story is more exciting than any St. George story could possibly be. Once more this war has proved that truth doesn’t have to stick to probabilities. Read the story of this French baby and his adoring British regiment in 200 tne creat war GIVEN 2000 True Pages of Love and Daring Intrigue—6 Crowded Volumes— Vivid Illustrations—All Free ‘These are the real experience of real people—written We feel that volumes like these with so important to the music of guns. a message, should not be sold, but should be given From out of the holocaust of nations, the high, un- Way; as far as possible. Therefore, as long as we can, breakable spirit of men leaps forth in story after story. We will give these sets to those who read the Review of For these 200 stories all the smoking, shricking Reviews for the next two years. We should I'ke to battlefronts of the war have been ransacked. In these ake this a permanent offer, but the price of paper is Volumes the theories, the practice, the prophecies of *#0iNe so high that we do not know what another edition war have no place. ‘They are concerned with the per- sonal deeds of men and women who themselves took part. Each and every one of these two hundred tales is a story of romance almost beyond belief. Here are un- expected endings. Here is suspense—here terror and i despair—here are glad tidings—here are happy endings. #fow tall with his nation. You must touch the ends of ‘Sometimes the escaped spy tells his own story. the world with the fingers of your mind. Now the woman who fell into the hands of the Turks. You must have the Review of Reviews—that tells her story. Now a man in the Foreign Legion tells daily, hourly, feels the pulse of all the world. You need unbelievable tales of those glorious black guards— Frank H. Simond’s crystal-clear, month-by-month arti- those heroic rascals; the story of the Corporal who cles on military opera ‘ons of the war. You need more turned out to be the Kaiser's cousin; the story of than ever, Dr. Shaw’s world-wide understanding of beautiful English women of title who ensnared German affairs. spies; the story of the disgraced Englishman who fought ‘The coupon brings the whole set of books 7 his way back; here is the story of the dancer in Paris —200 stories—2000 pages—to be returned at who was in the Kaiser's pay. our expense if you don’t like them—to be kept without charge if you do. Why This Edition Is Get the magazine for instruc- ys Ae tion—get the books free - ion—get the books free for in Pe rapees . Given Away spiration and delight. ving Pies - - Send Coupon ylease send me the Six will cost us. This nation has stepped out of its swaddling clothes, It has, in a day, towered above the rest of the world. ‘Today we have our hands on the money—the trade of the world. And the American citizen must SS | SS TRUE: TRUE} TRUE| TRUE TRUE) TRUE STORIES STORIES STORIES STORIES STORIES STORIES OF THE) OP THE, OF THE) OF THE OF THE OF THE GREAT, GREAT; 6! 5 GREAT GREAT GREAT 7 _ price “ol WARS WARS WAR’ WAR) WAR paFtlally ‘cover packing and’ shipptag. : 4 ras 4 7 Name : City