Judge — March 9, 1918 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Volume 74 J Number 1899 Pounded 1881 “THE HAPPY eMEDIUM” $5.00 a Year ew York, Marcu 9, 1918 Published Weekly The Great American Side-Show A Personally Conducted Tour Among the Marvels of the Age By Frep Lapp Illustrated by Lawr HE fly guy with the tall silk hat and a cast in his eye was conducting the sight- seeing party through the vast tent. “Here we have the most colossal aggregation of wonders, freaks, and stunning curiosities ever gathered under canvas! Every known and un- known specimen on earth! In this steel cage on the right we have the only gentleman-burglar who never appeared in fiction, and in the next cage alongshoreman with a Vandyke beard whose motto is, ‘The lips that touch liquor must never touch mine.’ Observe the cadaverous | gentleman on the right. He is a golf player whose language is the same on the links and in the drawing-room. Here is another liar—he is a lawyer whose spe- cialty is philanthropy. Here, marvel of marvels, is ‘a Summer Bathing Maid who never envied the model who posed for September Morn, and A scion of one of the oldest Beacon Hill families. didn’t think she would have done better under the cir- cumstance: Note how well she carries herself, con- sidering the present chill in the air. “Here, where the canvas flaps and bellies in the wild breeze, ladies and gentlemen, are exhibited two authors: one n impecunious and conscientious author trim- ming his cuffs with his little scissors, and the other is just an author trimming the public with his little best seller. Note the distinction! “We pass on. Here on the raised platform chained to the strong post, shrinking in terror from your gaze is FELLows an Actor who blushes painfully as you ask his name. He has no name: he is the only one of the species extant who abhors publicity. You have seen the great- est mirage in the Universe. “Coming now to our Grand educational exhibit par excellence, we have here, four in a row, a Yale man who loves Harvard, a Brown man who believes a Harvard team ever played a game without an alibi, a Princeton football player who didn’t go to pieces in the Yale Bowl and a Harvard man who cheers all day long for Cornell. All four young gentlemen are e, in close jux- ion as ’twere, isa Vassar girl who has never been kissed, and a Wellesley maiden who dares any eligible to try it. This beautiful young lady from Smith Col- lege with the crim- son lips holds the Rec- ord. Note her bril- liantine ‘smiles “We pass to the birds: here is a gink-bird. He likes cats. Here is the five-pronged Mayhem bird: he roosts on baseball bleachers and has a wild and awful yell. Here, beside the small boy from Philadelphia who likes to have his face washed, is a gentleman who burst into song when the Tax-Collector landed him. “Let us pass down the line. On the right, peace- fully twiddling his thumbs, is a married man who once gave his wife $5.00 and never asked a month later where in Tarnation it had all gone to. The chap next to him in the clanking chains is the original bridegroom who A married man who once gave his ife fice dollars. comicbooks.com