Judge — March 9, 1918 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DOCTORS | sonny ae een es ommmrnenced Too Late—A physician was examining aclass of nurses. He described the condi- tion of a patient, and asked one nurse how much morphine, in her opnion, should be administered to the sufferer. “Eight grains,” promptly replied the nurse. The doctor made no comment, and the girl passed on. When her turn in she appeared greatly con- and said to the examiner: “Doctor, I wish to correct the answer I made last time. I meant to say that one-eighth of a grain should be given to the patie “Too late,” remarked the physician, without looking up from his question “The man’s dead.” —Passing came fused, paper. Show. Going to Dig for One—In Alabama they tell of one “Doc” Marsh, a queer old “yarb” doctor of decidedly limited education. One day some one stid to him, “See here, Doc, haven't you any diploma?” “Well, no,” said the doctor, “TL ain't got none on hand just now, but I’m goin’ to dig some as soon as the ground is right in the spring.”"—Harper's Magazine. He Knew—* You're looking misera- ble, Subbubs. Why don’t you ask a doe- tor what ails you?" “T know what sumption.” “You don’t mean it? “Ido. I have to bolt my breakfast in two gulps to catch the train, and my lunch in two more to get back to the office.” —Boston Transcript. ails. me—quick con. A Stickler for Etiquette Shocked parent—Blowin’ yer ‘ot tea! You ain't got no manners! What d’yer think invented saucers for?—Passing Show MATRIMONY | Trouble Ahead—"Jack is awfully annoying at times. He made me sc angry to-day that I picked up a book Vhat!, You surely didn’t throw it at him “Oh, no; we weren't married yet.” script. I remembered in time that Boston Tran- Only At Night—That one of the pro- fessors at Princeton has had his domestic trials was recently evidenced when a young woman of rather serious turn en- ored to involve him in a theological discussion, “Professor,” she asked, “do you or do yin infant daw nation?” it,” said the professor, York Times. you not beli “TL believe ii “only at night.” er oe ( No Wonder They Guard It! “Qui est-co donc? “Non: du tabac.” “What have the: tobacco. got there? —Le Rire (Paris). Caillaux?” Caillaux?” ooo ‘MUSIC The Old Songs~‘'I wonder why it is that we love the old songs best?” asked the sentimental one. “T think,” said her workaday hearer, s because they're not sung so often.” Buffalo Express. His Father's Fault— How did you come to be a performer on the bass viol.” “Well, when I decided to be a musician I got father to promise to buy me a fiddle. But father always one of those men who want to get as much as possible for their money.” —IWashington Star. Largo—* He said this skirt of mine was a perfect symphon; “Maybe, but it’s not well conducted.” “What do you mean? “Tt drags.” —Brooklyn Citizen. The Difference—* When you were i musical comedy you were known as Mi Tonsils. Now you're in grand opera y are Madame ‘Tonsils. How's ths quizzed the new interviewer. * was the explanation. “Now, I'm wedded to my art. Then I ly had a husband to support Everybody's: Magazine. Powerful Missile—Concert singer—I am thinking of touring South Africa next> year Best friend—Vake my advice and don't. An ostrich egg weighs two or three pounds, you know.—Pearson’s Neighbors — “Miss Spared Her Howles studied singing abroad. “How considerate of her!” Transcript. Boston eer cc eenemn H sces e | PROFESSORS | Getting Away With It—Professor— What did you come late for? Student—For work.—Detroit Free Press. Exclusive—A professor in an educ tional institution of the city was exami ing some students in hygienic scienc “The great city agglomerations vitiate the atmosphere,” he said. “ Morbiferous germs, escaping from inhabited interiors, contaminate the air round about. In the country, however, the atmosphere re- mains pure. Why is that, Jones?” “Because,” said Jones, “the people in the country never open their windows.”"-— Tit-Bits. books.com