Judge — March 9, 1918 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Mrs. Newly-Rich Ventures an Art Criticism st peutéire tres bien fait, mais je n'en soudrais pas chez moi, ¢a doit trop attirer lc mouches, “Tt may be too many flie: Le Péle-Méle (Paris) Only One Thing to Do—Two men borrowed a horse and carriage to take them to a distant pond on a fishing trip. Arrived at the pond, the men, by the exercise of great patience, managed to get the harness off the horse, after which they tied him to a tree with a neck halter. The fishing over, the men set to work reharnessing the horse. They found that they could manage everything but the bridle. They simply couldn't get the bit into the horse’s mouth, for he wouldn't open it. Finally one of them said, after e ruse had failed: ell, friend, there's nothing to do but “Wait for what?" asked his friend. “Why, for the confounded animal to yawn.” Argonaut. Not So—Juck (in a whisper)—Say, I am almost sure this pretty girl on the other side of me nudged me with her elbow just now. Mack—Aw, forget i she is just knitting? Union, One Exception—“ Bliggi doesn’t care for anybody's opinion.” “Which mean: commented Miss “ayenne, “that he doesn’t care for any- ‘s opinion except his own.”— ashington Star. well done and all that, but [ wouldn't want it in my house. It would attract Agreed—“Jones is so. easily de- ceived.” “Why, he thinks he is very bright.” “Yes, that’s what I mean.”—Boston Transcript. | YOUNG THINGS | Looking Forward —//e—Dear, I'm going to buy the furniture today for our future home. Shall 1 get twin beds? She (blushingly)—Oh, Will, you don’t think we'll ever have twins, do you?— Ginger. A Pleasing Game—* You might order me a couple of dozen oysters,” said the pretty girl. But I thought you never ate oysters?” “True.” “And you couldn't possibly eat two dozen.” “No, but I always order them when I can. One might find a pearl.’—Omaha News Only Kindness: ivate Simpkins had returned from the front to find that his girl had been walking out with an- other young man, and naturally asked her to explain her frequent: promenades in the town with the gentleman. “Well, dear,”’ she replied, “it was only kindness on his part. He just took me down every day to the library to see if you were killed.” —St. Louis Globe-Democrat. Only a Soft Heir—* You look as if you had been kissed by a breeze from Northland,” said a poetic young lady to a pretty friend, whose cheeks were glowing with color. “Oh, no!” .was the laughing reply; it was only a soft heir from Baltimore.” —Topeka State Journal. BRAINS Good as New—During his vacation a lawyer met an old friend in the village and their conversation drifted to a dis- cussion of the nat \ young farmer came under their view “He's a fine-looking young fellow,” said the lawyer ‘ “Yee assented his friend. “Well, anyway, he has a mighty géod head.” “It ought to be goed,” was the reply. “That man’s head is brand-new never used it any.’—Minneapolis 1 une. Mthough Alfred had arrived at th of twenty-one years he showed no inclination either to pursue his studies or in any way adapt himself to his father’s business. I don’t know what I will ever make of that son of mine,” bitterly complained his father, a hustling business man. “Mayt nd himself yet.” consoled th al friend. “Isn't he gifted in “Gifted? I should say he thing that Tit-Bits. A Gifted Son “Well, He ain't got a dammed given to him.” queried the father Frippery vs. Frumpery “1 never dressed up like you do to catch a husband!” “Yes, but look what you got."—Snari's Innual (London). icbooks.com