Judge — February 23, 1918 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

All But Carlo—*Are all your family observing the meatless days now “Yes, all except Carlo, We can't make him realize that he mustn't bite strangers on Tuesdays.” — Baltimore American. Practical and Proper—“‘What is your favorite flower?” Not using I'm for corn-meal.” —Washington Star. The Wrong Place—He scated himself in the grill and made a protracted study of the menu. “Waiter.” he said at length, “I have only two dollars with me. What would you recommend?” The waiter gently removed the card from the hand of the unsophisticated stranger, as he replied: “Another restaurant.” —San Francisco Argonaut. Joyous Squandering—“ Do you miss the old excitement that Crimson Gulch offered before the town went Not so much.” replied Bronco Bob. have gone up so that two buck- and a fried egg seems like regular dissipation.”"—IVashington Eve- ning Star. A Delicate Hint—Our old friend Bro, McCrel at Lewisville, Texas. promised to ship the Record a keg of home-made sorghum, but as yet we have not seen it. We had hoped to be able to sop our corn pone in this ‘lasses, but it looks now like we will have to continue to cat it dry.—Colorado City Record. The Modern Woman—Grandma— Shall 1 teach you how to make dough- nuts? Debutante—YV es, I'm terribly interested, but I can’t quite understand how to fix the inner tubes.—Milestones. With a Necklace—“They say that bride got such extravagant presents.” “Yes; one present was a $10,000 diamond necklace and another was two pounds of sugar.”—Baltimore American. ‘A Shade of Suspicion Crestun Bache, de qu’y parait. Ona trowé dans sa boite un tube de blew de Prusse. “He's a Boche artist, it. scems. ‘They found in his color-box a tube of Prussian blue."—La Baionnette ((Paris). Frightfulness ‘ou the same razor you used on me yesterday “Yes, sir, the sa me identical one.” “Then chloroform me first.”—Snark’s Innual (London). Nursing the Nuggets _“Tenez, Marie, coild du charbon pour la journée. “Here, Marie, is your coal for the day.”— La Baionnette (Paris). a STS eet | COs Flannel Cakes—“This is a special flour for making’ flannel cakes.” The young housewife was trying to appear wise. “Does it make good cakes?” she asked. “Excellent flannel cakes, mum.” “Ah, um. Will they shrink?”— Louisville Courier-Journal. Needless Alarm—A businesslike man stepped into a butcher’s shop. “A piece of beef for roasting!” he ordered briskly. The meat, mostly bone, was thrown on the scales. “Look here!” remonstrated the man. “You're giving me a big piece of bone!” “Oh, no, I ain't!" said the butcher blandly. “You're paying for it.’- Washington Post. VANITY A Lovely Girl—“How do you like your son’s wife?” “She's a perfect darling. The first day after he brought her home she discovered a way to do up my hair that makes me look ten years younger.”—Dayton News. None Immune Flattery is the food of fools— ‘They love each bit— Yet where’s the man with soul so dead Won't fall for it. —Florida Times-Union. Wrong Diagnosis—Mr. Costick—Do you know, whenever I look at my reflec- tion in a mirror I can’t help thinking what a much better looking fellow I am than the average man? I s'pose you'd call that conceit? Mrs. Costick—Oh, no; I should call it distorted vision.—Chicago Herald. Indignant Politician—Why didn’t you print all of my speech? Country editor—Well, to tell the truth sir, we ran clean out of capital “‘I’s. Too Particular—The girl who thinks more of her Georgette crepe waist than she does of her beau and refuses to permit it to get mussed will never march to the well-known tune of Mr. Mendelssohn.— Flordia Times-Union.