Judge — February 16, 1918 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FUNNY THINGS IN A SOLDIER’S LIFE An honorarium of $5 will be sent by Juvce to any member of the National Army or any man in the U. S. Navy whose contribution to this department is selected by the Editor as the funniest camp or ship story of the week. Faithful Unto Death By John Langton Weber, Editor Trench and Camp, Comp Jock son, S, ALITTLE dried-up negro boy had become very much attached to his Lieutenant. He had been heard to say that he would follow him through France or anywhere else. Our Camp Religious Work Director attended a religious meet- ing which was being held at the colored barracks. He noticed that Sam was very much interested in the service and asked him if he would like to go to Heaven. Sam said: “No, sah, I jes’ aims to go ‘long wid de Lieutenant.” Gone But Not Forgotten By Walter Aamold, U. S. 8. Trippe HEN I left the U. S. for the war zone I received a very complete“ Comfort Kit.” About three weeks later we re- ceived our first mail, and this I found in a letter— Please return the little china jar in your ‘Comfort’ which I put in by acci- dent for tooth powder; it contained the ashes of my mother-in-law.” Net, Not Gross By Bruce Cole, Army ¥.'M. C. A. No. 95, Camp Dodge, Lowa HE was a sweet young thing, evi- dently very ignorant of the way phys- ical examinations are conducted in the army. He had gone bravely forth to the Tecruiting office but had been rejected because of lack of weight. When he came back with a sad face and reported the rea- son for his failure to enlist she spoke up Vattev GEMS Look and Wear Like Diamonds y mt teed 25 years. Will nes.” Sean aad acid and 2 fire tests fing, pin or stud, (regular diamond mount- ing) vent for Free Examination. jo Money in Advance. Weie ts fc NITE VALLEY GEM CO, 1 Shite iewelere 3 Watsin Building Indianapolis, Indiana Accepted original jokes are paid for at the rate of one dollar cach. Send in your humor, boys. quickly, “Silly, why didn’t you put some stones in your pockets before you stepped on the scales?” And she wondered why he blushed so. Misguided Zeal By Bruce Cole, Army ¥. M,C. A. No. 95, Camp Dodge, Towa. ‘THE colonel had ridden his horse in town in the afternoon and it was dark when he returned to camp. Some distance outside the guard line he was challenged by a voice from the darkness: “Halt! Who's there?” “Colonel,” he answered. “Dismount, Colonel. Advance and be recognized !”” He was certain that there was some mistake for no guard was supposed to be posted here. But a sentry’s orders are not to be disobeyed, so he grumblingly dismounted and led his horse forward, inwardly vowing vengeance against the sergeant of the guard who had caused him all this trouble. As he approached the sentry he burst out wrathfully. “Who in thunder posted you here?” “No one, sir. I’m just practising.” He'd Take the Hint By Cliff Dempsey, 10$th Trench Mortar Green recruit—Do you think we'll ever get back? Scared one—I don’t know about you, but if the first shot doesn’t hit me the rest are all going to fall short. Putting Him Right Zoologically By Bruce Cole, Army Y. M,C. A. No. 94, Camp Dodge, Towa HE new cavalrymen were out on their first route march, each man carrying a feed of corn on his saddle. After they had proceeded some distance the sergeant- major noticed that one man had his nose- bag in his hand. “Now then!” shouted the irate non- com, “what are you doing with that nosebag?”’ “Well, sir,” stammered the recruit, “the bag was hanging that loose I was afraid the seed would fall out.” “Seed!” echoed the sergeant-major, as he nearly exploded with wrath. “Ww hy, you idiot, what do you think you’re rid- ing! A bloomin’ canary?” caseline Reg. U. S. Pat. Off. arbolated Carbol: JELLY A safe, convenient antiseptic for home use in dressing cuts and sores. Also good for corns. Sold at Drug and General Stores everywhere. Avoid substitutes. Write for illustrated booklet describing the various “Vaseline” * Preparations and their many uses. Mailed free on request. - CHESEBROUGH MFG. CO. 35State Street ‘New York City “And Somebody Is Us’’ Contributed anonymously from Camp Funston HE Laramie Kid sat down at ease, And a visitor, who passed, Turned back and said: “My friend, how long Will this here big war last?” And Laramie Kid looked up and said— He is a short-spoke cuss— “Till No Man’s Land is Somebody's, And Somebody is Us!” The Laramie Kid comes from a land Where speech is somewhat brief. A cowpuncher ain’t much on talk— Orations bring him grief— But he said it all when he said them words About our part in the fuss: “Till No Man’s Land is Somebody's, And Somebody is Us!” So the Laramie Kid mused in the sun Where old Fort Riley sprawls, And he hummed for just a minute or so Between two bugle calls. There wasn’t much music to the song, But the words he sang went thus: “Till No Man's Land is Somebody’s, And Somebody's Us!”” —Laramie Republican. ROMEIKE’S _PRESS CLIPPING BUREAU ill send you all newspaper clippings ich may appear about you, your friends, or any subject on which you may want to be “up-to-date.” Every news- paper and periodical of importance in the United States and Europe is searched. Terms, $5.00 for 100 notices. HENRY ROMEIKE 106-110 Seventh Avenue New York City