Judge — February 16, 1918 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Descending Scale By J. L. Harsour RS. YOUNGBRIDE (to her mother)—We have at last de- cided on an apartment and are sure that we are going to be de- lighted with it—steam heat, janitor service, electric light, hard wood floors in nearly every room, a love- ly neighborhood and only two minutes’ walk from the cars. They say that there is hardly ever an apartment to let in the Tarryawhile Chambers—that is the name of the house—because every one likes it so well. We couldn’t have had our apartment only the family that had it went out West or there was a death in the Ny, family or a hitch of some kind that made it really necessary for them to give it up. = Every one says that we are in great luck to get it. You must come and see it and us just as soon as we get settled. The Same to the Same (a month later)—Well, we are all settled and we think that we are going to like it very well. The paper on some of the walls is all out of harmony with our rugs and draperies and sometimes it is nearly noon before the apartment is really warm. The janitor is far from being what he ought to be.” Harry had to talk right up to him yesterday. He pays no attention to me when I tell him to send up more heat and I don’t believe he washes the stairs down once a week. We don’t like the looks of the people who have the apartment opposite us very much, and Harry is sure that the man in the apart- ment above us drinks. Says he smelled it plainly on his breath coming up in the elevator. The Same to the Same (a month later)—It is so chilly in the apartment that I have had to come into the kitchen to write this. We had to eat breakfast in here this morning. We told the janitor yesterday that it made no difference how high coal is; if we pay for heat wehavea right to expect it. Two families moved out last week and one of the families that moved in brought a dog with them that spends half its time barking in the halls. We find that the dining-room is so situated that not a ray of sunshine touches it be- fore noon, and you know George Ade, \ VALENTINE FANTASY. At the request of Judge for his “ Best Bit”, meaning his most notable single expression, foremost humorists, contributes his “Early to bed and early to rise, and you will meet very few Prominent People.” how nice it is to have a sunny dining-room to eat breakfast in. What’s more you can’t get enough heat in that room to eat in comfort in it any morning and the lady in the apartment be- low us says that they had to put in a gas radiator in order to use their dining- room mornings, last winter. The owner of the house won’t repaper a single room and the paint is all chipped off in some of the rooms and whoever planned the apart- ment must have lain awake nights trying to discover how inconveni- ent he could make it. The Same to the Same (two weeks later)—Just a line or two to say that we are moving, and we are so thankful that we did not sign a lease for this hole. We have found the Joveliest new apartment. Will write all about it soon. The Replete Angler By M. “Ty ALK about fishin’,” says the old Colonel, “T have hooked all kinds, but never until last Tuesday did I hook one of the ‘old settlers’—one of the critters that helped stake out the lake. Maybee he waren’t game! He ran under the boat, turned flip-flops and went through all of the stunts of the fish tribe. Well, after about two and one-half hours I landed him. He was four feet eight inches long and weighed twenty-eight pounds and three-eighths ounces. Took him right over to the point to show him to the boys, and we decided we'd hold a little banquet the next night and eat the old cuss up. Well, when we sat down to table and I started to carve up that fish, do you know what? Anywhere I cut I struck right into a_ fish-hook. He’d been hooked by everybody, and had swal- lowed the hook. That fish was just plumb full of tackle. I whittled and haggled away for a time, but finally gave him up as a bad job.” “What did you do with him?” “Sold him for old iron.” L. Grancer Where It Fails HIS wild agitation, Exciting all creation, This birth control, Upon my soul, Is raising consternation. But there is nothing in it, "Twas folly to begin it. You can’t abate The good old rate— There’s one born every minute. of living American immortal dictum: