Judge — February 9, 1918 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

west QUIRED sy February 9, 1918 Complete Security By Private Joseph W". Greene, Fort Wetherill, R. L THE officer of the day at a coast de- fense fort at the entrance of an important harbor mounted the gun emplacement and noting an approaching submarine close at hand turned to the sentry and exclaimed, “Why didn’t you report that submarine? Don’t you know that you have strict orders?” The imperturbable sentry (formerly a flumber’s apprentice) responded with a knowing look, “Oh, sir, but I’ve had my eye on it all the while.” Ss Saving the World for Democracy By William R. Swins, Co. B.. 112th Field Signal Bat., Camp Sheridan, Ala. HE company had assembled for their first drill in horsemanship, and for most of the recruits it was their first at- tempt. Loaded down with saddles and mysterious little articles of equipment we splashed our way through to the corral where we were ordered to choose a horse. Looking about for some kind-faced old Dobbin that I could rely upon to do the right thing by me, my eye rested hove- fully on a friendless, dejected-looking sorrel that was not expected to live. There was nothing attractive about this horse but his disposition; he was built like a piece of mission furniture. We first tried mounting without saddles and to me it was a catastrophe. I caught the eye of one of the officers, for I wanted my first earnest efforts to be appreciated. With a few fect running start I negotiated a Spectacular leap, but miscalculated and went right on over. The second attempt was more successful and I sat proudly astride the beast. With a little coaxing and a few kind words he began to move slowly, but gradually gaining momentum as though be sent by Juvce to any member of the National Army or any man in the U.S. se contribution 10 this department is selected by the Editor as the funniest camp or ship story of Accepted original jokes are paid for at the rate of one dollar each. Send in your humor, boys. trying to make up his mind. I imagined I could hear a slight squeak. I managed to hold out for one solid hour while he trotted and jolted around the field. Often he would come to a dead stop as if he had forgotten something, but when I fell off he didn’t stop at all. Early to Bed and Early to Rise By a member of Co. B. 112 Field Signal Bat., Camp Sheridan, Alabama WHEN a person enlists in the army he does not expect to recline in a garden of roses, eating strawberries and sipping hot chocolate, but he can’t pre- vent his idle thoughts from carrying hia back to the place where they have nap- kins and Chinese laundries. At no time is the terribleness, the abso- lute misery, that war entails, borne more forcibly to his mind than when he is roused from his slumbers on a cold morn- ing by the shrill blasts of a bugle. One by one the boys trickle from their tents with that same -dejected expression a man wears who bought Brewery Stock a month before the state went dry. It had been chilly and cloudy for a few days and on this particular morning the prodigal sun was peeping up over the edge of the world as if afraid to come out and shine a bit. The Pied Piper who drew the rats from their hiding places with his horn had nothing on our trumpeter. When I hear that quaint old melody called “Reveille” as it floats through the chill mists of early morning the effect is marvelous, instanta- neous. Nothing on earth could make me move so quickly at a time when I wouldn’t even roll over to see the Kaiser in a cage. The morning I have in mind found me nestled deep down among my army blankets dreaming of home and its com- forts. I heard the icy notes of the bugle but they sounded faintly and far away so I kept right on dreamin. I had pro- gressed as far as a big leather chair which always rested so dignified before the grate- fire when someone shook me. I was panic-stricken. With a few well-aimed twists and passes I draped myself in a uniform. I bolted from the tent and started for formation. Half way down the company street Assembly sounded and I shifted into high. On the way I tried in a series of mighty efforts to encase my self in a Red Cross sweater that would have been tight on a good-sized boy. I crashed into position breathless, in time to be late and waited for the penalty. It was just as I expected and as the “top soak” uttered the awful words I stood face to face with the horror of a — hay detail. War may be hell but it’s the private who gets it most of the time. i i t PICTURE your best girl reclining on comfortable cushions, fingers trailing in the cool waters and dia- mond spray splashing behind! This is the life! What-a satisfaction it Jong in an Old Town “Sponson the safest canoe in the world ! ide prevents ively unsinkable. ‘Sponson"’ is the ideal canoe for family use. Write for View Book. OLD TOWN CANOE CO. 1742 Main Street The Notion Counter By Dovuctas Matiocu I wonder just how sorry the man is who says he is sorry he is too old to enlist. About the time a man finds he has broken into society he finds he is broke. The black sheep of the family may be the only one that ever acquires any wool. All the helping some men want to do is down- hill. Some people run to poetry, but not fast enough. Handsome does as handsome is. Truth crushed to earth— Shall rise again— But look at it! =— Hotel Ansonia 73rd St.—Broadway—74th St., NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY EXPRESS STATION MAGNIFICENT FIREPROOF HOTEL, CON- TAINING 1,400 ROOMS. SITUATED IN THE VERY CENTRE OF TOWN. CONVENIENT TO ALL SHOPS AND THEATRES. Rooms and Bath, $2.50 per day For 2 Persons, $4.00 per day Canadian Money Is Accepted at This Hotel Without Discount. GEORGE W. SWEENEY, Late of Lafayette Hotel, Buffalo, N. Y. Late Victoria Hotel, N. Y.