Judge — January 26, 1918 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IN Ole Kentucky—"My father was killed in a feud.” “T never would ride in one of those cheap cars.” Irate Father—Jack is a close young man, isn’t he? Sweet Thing—Why father, how know? do you Cc Notes Little Willie wondered why Acid troubled Alkalie, So in manner very placid, Fed the kitty boric acid. ‘Thereupon the cat grew frantic, Executing many an antic. “Oh!” cried Willie, mystified, “Pussy must be alkalied. Housewife—You claim to be e-walk laye ailroadite—I put in five years flagging an expert A Time Exposure “Where does that stuflt go to—New “Nope,—to lil’ ol’ Ann Arbor.” “Oh, so you're writing to one of those sweet little “No, to fourteen of ‘em!” HOME Defense League—‘ My wife i: the limit,” groaned the American busi- nessman, who was dining with a French visitor to this country. “Since the war began, it’s just one meeting after another -night and day. Tell me, does your wife go in much for club work?” “No, ze club—nevaire,” replied his guest. “One time—tree time she have slap me and pull ze hair, but, mon Dicu!—ze club— nevaire.”” Double Cross Work—‘ You, sir,” thun- dered the judge to the pickpocket, “are a parasite, a human leech living off the honest endeavor of a nation that is heroically sacri- ficing itself to win this war. Answer me, you slicker, what have you done for your country “Your honor, I'm engaged in relief work.” in the Nth—Sweet young thing (to dance partner)—And I’m sure you're doing something patriotic, too. Sveryone should at this time. Man—Yes, indeed. I’m letting my best girl knit me a pair of socks, and I carried her knitting-bag for her the last time we went walking. The Dear Departed—‘Now tell me truly, Eva, dear,” said the friend in a confi- dential tone after the funeral. ‘*Did your husband leave you much?” “Indeed he did not! All those reports are lies. He was always with me on Sunday mornings.” Heroism The Lunatic’s Love Song not a spider in the sky There's not a glowworm in the sea, There's not a crab that soars on high But bids me dream, dear maid, of thee! When watery Phoebus plows the main, When firey Luna gilds the lea; \s flies run up the window pane, So fly my thoughts, dear love, to thee. 'y were discussing literature and the rsation turned to English authors. ep you read Carlyle?” inquired the y connoisseur. “No,” answered the ry parvenue, “but I've visited his Indian school.” Barbara—Soldiers are like corn. Summie—Why? Barbara—It’s what the chickens want. Husband—Can you tell me of my wife's ith, sir, I think you will find them in the laundry, Dreamy—Her face is queenly and her mouth is the mouth of a princess. Hard facts—Yes even her crowned. teeth are “Ever heard the story of the two men?” “No, what is it?” A Stringed Quartette He (impatiently)—I can’t. sce through you at all any more. She—Wise up. Fashions have changed. He—Will you bet? She—V'l bet a His true friend—And Vl hold the stakes. Dadoubtedly= What is the difference an’ between an elephant and a mosquito?” “What is the difference?” “The shape.” comicbooks.com