Judge — January 19, 1918 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Star of the World Drama HOW A LAZY MAN CAN ACQUIRE AN IRRITATING AND BENEFICIAL SENSE OF CONCEIT F you chance to be popular know it is due to your irresistible personal magnetism, If you chance to be unpopular realize it is due to your supe- rior character and powerful personality. If you happen to be fond of reading, indulge thoughts of superior contempt for the ignorant. If books happen to bore you, pity the unfortunate pedants who can only get their emotions second hand. If you are unsuccessful in business, realize that you have a genius for life. OME PEOPLE mourn and fret S and scold because they have no chance, to tour, as in the of old, through Germany and France. They long to spend two weeks in Rome, when comes vaca- tion time; the fact that they must stay at home, they look on as a crime. Yet there are sights and scenes at home as fine as one may see, by journeying across the foam, by going to Paree. Investigate your native land, if you must spend your wad; there are a hundred sights at hand as good as those abroad. Our na- tive mountains raise their scalps in ranges long and wide, and they'll stack up with any Alps that Europe can provide. Why do you sigh for distant hills, all capped with cheap john snow, when our own mountains furnish thrills worth many bucks a throw? You sing the Rhine, oh, maudlin gents, down it you'd take a trip; but it looks much like twenty cents beside the Mississipp’. The Rhine, the Danube and such brooks are things to jeer and mock, for we have’ rivers here, gadzooks, that back them off the wilk. Home If you fail to fascinate women, realize what vain, trivial creatures they are. If Rose who sells ribbons at Racy’s loves you better than Mrs. Panderhilt Thomas, realize that true emotion and real understanding only reside in the hearts of the simple. Do not listen to Tinks when he tells you that Rose only loves. you for the money you spend on her. Of course the poor fellow is jealous. Pay no attention to those thoughts which tell you that you are not a very remarkable man. They are doubtless the out- come of morbidness and should not be encouraged. —Lawrence Vail. You talk of cities you would see, of Munich and of Cork; I wish you would explain to me what's wrong with old New York. Say, have you visited St. Joe, inhaled its fragrant air? And @ you stopped at Broken Bow, and see the court house there? Have you dropped off at Am- herst, Mass., where there’s a er’s school, and learned profess teach the class how best to push a mule? Have you beheld Grand Island’s streets—those streets of many charms—when men are bring- ing sugar beets from the surrounding farms? Oh, have you ever struck Detroit, where men take pig-iron bars, and with a skill that’s most adroit, convert them into cars? Hast in Milwaukee e’er been loose, and poured into your frame nine firkins of the sparkling juice that gave that city fame? Why talk of Munich and of Rome, of Florence and repeat, when we have cities here at home which are as good as wheat? Why sigh for Europe's hills and vales, why yearn for minnows there, when here at home we're growing whales, and prodigies to spare? ‘Travel Wait Mason “Uncle Walt’s” Exclusive Message to Judge