Judge — December 15, 1917 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Right Idea [VE bit upon a plan which I'm quite sure can’t be improved My Christmas gift to you this year will be just once removed! If I sent you a pencil and a pack of cards, some gum, Some cigarettes and chocolate, you'd sure be stricken dumb. But if the Red Cross sends them to some Sammy “Over There” They'll help a lot on Christmas day, to drive away his care. And so my love I send to you; the gift goes over- I hope you like my plan enough to do the same by me! Laura Scribner. RUBBING IT IN “T DON’T KNOW,” muses the man with the wispy hair, gazing at his Christmas present. “I don’t know. Maybe Henrietta didn’t mean anything by it, and maybe she did—but it seems kind 0’ funny that after all these years she should make me a present of this book on ‘Ruling by Will Power, or How to Master Your Surroundings.’ It’s. the first Christmas gift she ever gave me that wasn’t useful.” IT MIGHT BE ONE OF THEM HE Christmas dinner-party had just seated itself, and the turkey was brought on with much pomp and ceremony. E’LL ALL swear off on New Year's day, and start “How I wish,” remarked W afresh, the good old w the handsome bachelor to his Last year I said, jis ismy vow: I'llsaltdown all pretty young — companion, my kopecks now. Too long I’ve blown my hard earned bucks, of “that I could taste another wages I’ve made drakes and ducks. Now I am waxing old and — one of those turkeys we used gray, Dll put a little wad away, and in the coming wintry years to raise upon the farm when I'll clip off coupons with my shears, and have both pies and jam — I was a boy.” to cat in my abode in Easy stre “Well, one never knows I started to economize, and everyone in town got wise. luck,”” encouraged his Solicitors for this and that blew to my door and passed the hat. p. y. ¢., “this maybe one of I found I couldn’t turn them down, or I'd be ostracised in town. — them!" Thad to chip in every day, and saw my bundle melt away. Oh, Worthy Causes are so thick you hit three when you throw a brick, and if you're known to have a wad you cannot take a walk abroad, but you'll be backed against a fence and made to cough up sundry pence And all the agents in the land will take your trail to beat the band. And they will sell you punk cigars, and knives and books and motor cars, and soap and shoes and azure sky, and wooden teeth and whiskers dye. The year since I began to save has nearly brought me to the grave, and Tam sad and weary now, so I have framed another vow This coming year I'll blow my roll and keep myself deep in the hole. The rainy day may be in store, but fixing for it is a bore. I'll show the spendthrifts how to burn the shining roubles When Lam flush my life is sad; when Lam broke my days are glad. No man, when I am busted flat. will come to me to pass the hat, nor yet wear out a set of jaws discoursing of a Worthy Cause. I won't chip in, you understand, to buy new bugles for the band, to buy poor widowers new hats, or found retreats for homeless cats. I won't be asked, when broke, I know, to buy the works of Scott or Poe; when agents know I’m shy a plunk, they will not chase me with their junk So come with me on New Year's day, and see me blow the coin away A Good Time “Did you hav good time Christmas?" “Splendid! The phonograph broke and my wife’s relatives failed to come.” JUST AT THE OPPORTUNE TIME comicbooks.com