Judge — October 27, 1917 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GRANDMA SPEAKS By BURGES JOUNSON HAT’S that rapping tip- ping, tapping, Roused me just as I was nappin, Something peeke around that cha’ back! Something squeaked and pulled my hair hack Something's flitting Where I’m sitting! The cat? My scat! IT wonder what she’s looking at? My Goodness Gra- cious! You don’t say so? SPOOKS! whatever makes ‘em play so? Wish they'd leave my house this minut They've no business to be in it I've no wish to be a hostess To some snooping host or ghostess! To be sure, there’s just one night When they've really got a right— Well now! — Say, what is today? Why, how could [ forget this way! I'm so stupid that T clean Forgot that this is HALLOWE “Is he very pa- should say he is! He's learning to play poker, so can use the red, white, and blue chips.” Reorganization “Yes, I'm trying to reorganize our country club and put it on a paying basis.”” “T suppose your ideais tomake it so that no one will get any pleasure out of membership.” The Trouble Willis—So_ your Women’s Home Defense League broke up in a row? Mrs. Willis—Yes. As soon as Mrs. Bump was elected General she undertook to com- mandeer the cook of one of the privates. What's Become Of The German God? W. J. B. The Dove of Peace? The Pacifist? Deutschland Ueber All Kings? The Immune That lawyer has never lost a case.” “Defends only women crim- inals, ch? Uncontrollable Mrs. Willis—The papers y the government is going to control everything. Mr, Willis—Well, it’s going to have an awful time with that Jones boy next door. Ultimate Horror “T thought your wife insisted on companying you on your fishing trip. “That w I told her it would ruin her complexion.” The Hunters “Who wrote the libretto of that mu- sical comedy?” “Are you looking for him, too?” Unreasonable He—The men, according to a British M. P., ought to help out by cating less and smoking more. She—Say, does he expect my husband to smoke in his sleep? REGENERATION MUNDANE O* © of mankind’s pleasantest pastimes is making the world over and mak- ing it better. It has been called an absurd effort. On the contrary, it is more than a rational one, for it is a sublime and beautiful aim, beset with monumental difficulties, That human beings in general should have the taste for anything so complex and formidable is to the credit of all the races that share also in a cor- responding inclination to make good. Most of us find it a hopeless task even to make over our neighbors. There is Razensteins who has rented the flat opposite ours, and has had a private Mother—Where is baby? Tommy—He's guardhouse to be shot. spy. mother, wai telephone put in so that our open win- dows get the benefit of one side of all the conversations. Each night at precisely our sleep time he begins to call up every acquaintance of his in all the greater metropolis. The opulence of it is some- thing fierce. It is almost un-America There is no doubt but what he puts it over on us, for we depend solely on the house exchange telephone, and never use it at that unless we have to. But can we make over Razensteins, or bring him round to our quiet and economical ways? Nothing doing! Then there is democracy, and social ism, and kultur, and labor, and ph lanthropy, and_politics,—they all seem to stand in the way of reform. The trouble may be that every man is his own dictionary. He insists on his own defini- tion, the while you and I—most reason- able of mortals—cannot for a moment accept his queer interpretation of very simple words, let alone sentiments. We cannot make him over, and we are equally sure that he won't make us over, not if we know it, that is. It is a tough old world. It does not yield to rev or even having face best of anything, and the club appears to be the logical instrument to use when uplift is imperative. The advantage of this instrument is that it sometimes turns out to be a boomerang, and the right fellow gets hit after all. Perhaps this is the most we can hope for in re- spect to getting the world made ov —Tod Chenev comicbooks.com