Judge — October 20, 1917 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MRS. CLATTERBY FINDS THE COAL BIN EMPTY “ OW, James, dear, you know that [hate to introduce dis- N agreeable subjectsat the breakfast table or at any meal for the matter of that. Ido think that of all places the table isa place where one should be cheerful, not only because it is pleasanter to be so but it aids digestion, as any doctor will tell you, and that is why I hate to tell you that the coal is all gone, or so nearly gone that Ann tells me that it will not last more than a day or two, so of course more had better be ordered right away or we will be without coal in a day or two and will have to use gas, and I know if you don’t what it means to have a girl cooking with g: She will always use a great deal more than is necessary and will keep it going full tilt when she isn’t cooking athing. I went out into the kitchen the other day and the gas flame was leaping up all around the teakettle and she had only about a pint of water in the kettle and a low flame would have heated it in three minutes, but no, she must have that flame going full blaze, and anyhow, at this time of the year one needs a fire in the range so as to have plenty of hot water, and I do hope that we can sometime have one of these gas water heaters put in so that we can, when we want it, have hot water without a fire in the range. It is so nice in the summer time when you don’t need nor want a fire in the range, and yet you do want hot water. But, as I say, maids do waste gas so and—what is that, James? Other people waste gas too? I am sure that I don’t know just what you mean by that, but I do know that it is something uncomplimentary or you wouldn’t have said it. I wonder if you know how long it is since you said a complimen- tary thing to your wife! But I am past expecting anything of the kind now and I knew before I said anything about the range or the coal bin that it would call forth some kind of a disagreeable remark, as if I were wholly to blame for the bin being empty. I try to save the coal as well as I can, but it is with coal as it is with gas, you can’t get a girl to economize in the least with She thinks she can’t have a fire unless she has the coal piled in clear up to the lids, and often all that she needs a little fire and piling the coal up to the lids has a tendency to warp them and even crack them, as I have often told girls, but it went in at one ear and out at the other as everything else I tell them does. I do get so discouraged trying to teach them to have a little common sense. They simply don't think! If Ann, as I told her, had had a little forethought she would have told me several days ago that the coal was most gone, but no, she must wait until nearly the last hod of it was gone and then comes to me and says that the coal is 711, ‘all,’ as she puts it. I said to her, ‘Ann, why didn’t you tell me sooner?’ and I said it kindly, but she took offense as she always does when I speak to her about anything, and here is the coal about all gone and at this time of the year coal dealers are apt to be very busy and we may have to be without several days and the gas range going all of the time and it has no oven and we can’t have anything that has to be baked or cooked in an oven, and all because I can’t beat it into Ann’s head that she ought to tell me several days before the coal is out! Anyhow, James, I don’t see why you don’t order more coal at a time. The Jimsons next door put in a year’s supply at one time and I think it is so much better than dribbling along with a ton or two at a time and the coal all gone before you know it and maybe coal going up a little each month. It is fifty cents a ton more now than it was last month and no doubt it will be fifty cents a ton more next month than it is now with the war still on and everything else soaring soin price. As I say, James, I don’t like to speak of disagreeable things at the breakfast table, but I simply had to refer to the coal what do you mean by spitting out ‘refer to it—gee!’ in that way? Very well; I will say nothing more about it and if you forget to order the coal you will see what your gas bill will be next month! If we are without coal a week you can’t say that I didn’t speak about it! What’s that? The Lord knows you can’t? James, you are a trial! —J. L. Harbour. You sometimes meet such nice people!” ve to travel, 5 you may never see them again—that’s another